Volume X: The Industry of Chemical Artistry - or - The Age of Rockism

4. Set Me Free

New day. He’s still in the shower, I hear the water hit under his feet. I hear it stop as he steps out. Time passes while he changes. I roll over - pretend to still be sleeping. He looks around, collecting his few possessions. He bends down, kisses me on the cheek, and lets himself out. We’ve rehearsed this. It’s all going according to plan. As I listen for the soft click of the door to close, I get up and look around.

Now is the official start of the day.

I never say goodbye. It’s just...bizarre. Neither one of us knows how to approach the topic. We know that this is wrong - it only complicates matters. We know that I don’t belong to anybody. We know that I belong to them all, in turn. We know it doesn’t matter. But it doesn’t make the pain of letting go stop. So we don’t let go. We just get up and move on with our lives. No farewell. Nothing. Just up and go. Nothing more.

I yawn a few times, stretch, getting up to change. I’m in the bathroom getting dressed when I hear the door slam and the chipper steps come marching in. Goddamnit.

“Hey, Deacon, where are you?” I hear. I shout out from where I am. The steps continue around the place, pacing, doing circles.

“What’s up Brie, and Christ, don’t you sit down?”

“Sit? Why? You know, your name’s really fucking weird, did you know that?”

I come out of the bathroom, drying my hair with a towel. “Yeah kid, thanks, I wasn’t too sure about it. What’s up?”

“Did you just wake up?”

She looked around, thinking about it. I was willing to bet solid money that she was high on something good. I was slightly disappointed that she didn’t have the good manners to share, but whatever. I sat down to pull my boots on.

“What’s brewing?”

She looked around, seeming to forget why she was here. She shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t know, I was bored. Want that we go do something?”

I shook my head. “I have to drop off the film from the show and meet up with the guys.”

“Yeah? Can I come?”

I looked up at her, still pacing, hopping around like an addict. “Yeah, sure, just do me a favor?”

“Yeah, what’s that Deac?”

“Calm the fuck down. Now, let’s go.”

And we trooped out of the apartment, slamming the door as we went. I wasn’t overly worried about the place; it wasn’t the end of the world. We went down the stairs at a fairly calm pace - I was still half asleep and she was just...gone. Too many fast moves and I could lose her. I loved her like a sister, but she was weird as all hell sometimes. My age, we were together in this for a while. She came and went, I didn’t lecture her on what she did, and she didn’t lecture me on my bad choices either. When it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Another day. Fuck. Another day. Just like the last. We walk the few blocks to the camera shop, talking idly. The guy who processes everything for me comes to all the shows; he’s taken care of everything for me for a good while now. His name’s Charlie. He also happens to be close friends with my brother. I creep in with Brie close behind.

“Hey Charlie, ready for a fresh batch?”

He looks up from whatever he’s doing with a broad smile on his face. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite little con artist in the whole world?”

I pout my lip, pretending to be insulted. “I’m no con artist, I’m just an artist - you know that. Come on, here’s last night’s record.” I drop the film canisters on the counter, keeping my eyes locked to his. He comes over, abandoning whatever he was doing, taking the containers from me. He smiles back at me as he juggles them around for a bit. And I mean literally, juggles.