I was taking the break up super bad. I was numb but also crying everyday. And the worst part was that it seemed like Luke didn't even have a care in the world about the breakup.
He seemed fine. He was laughing with friends and going out for ice cream, having fun. All while I was at home. Absolutely heartbroken.
I never ever in a million years expected it. And I never expected my best friend to hurt me this badly. We hadn't spoke since the breakup and he was clearly avoiding me, as was I.
It went from talking every single day, to nothing. Nothing.
Eventually he texted me about a week after our breakup. My heart sunk when I saw the notification from Luke. The last time I saw his notification, was when he broke up with me.
Luke : "Hey, i've been talking to people and they think i'm curving you. In all honesty, i'm sorry for making you feel this way."
Serenity : "It's okay."
Luke : "Let's talk for a bit because it clearly isn't. Why do you feel like i'm curving you?"
Serenity : "You haven't properly spoken to me in a long time. I'm just waiting and waiting for you to finally text me Luke."
Luke : "I've been doing the same for you girl. You said you needed space because you hurt every single time we talk. You're still my friend. My ride or die. Day 1. That won't change after a relationship mishap."
Serenity : "So nothing changed for you? The paragraphs I sent you didn't change anything?"
Luke : "Serenity. I don't want to date. You need to move on and you need intimacy that I can't provide for you."
Serenity : "Our friends are doing long distance. What do you think they do? The distance would've been temporary and it shouldn't mean anything if you love someone as much as we love each other. I was going to come fly out and see you every month Luke."
Luke : "I'm trying to be realistic here. That is so expensive."
Serenity : "Do you not realize that doesn't matter? I fucking love you. You spend money on the people you love. Especially if it's long distance."
And we talked for around an hour. Me fighting for us and him being too afraid. He was scared. Scared to be together and scared of commitment. He wanted our friendship back but I needed more. I loved him too much to just go back to being friends and seeing him move on.
So we didn't speak. We were "friends" but we didn't speak for around a year. Only sending streaks on snapchat and commenting on one another's stories every once in a while.
I was left loving someone that wasn't there anymore. I had lost him. And it hurt. I took it horribly. Panic attack every week. Crying every week. Isolating myself from friends. It was bad. Real bad.
Everything we had, was gone.
