Growing Older (Travlyn Fic)

Katelyn

It's been fifteen days. Fifteen. I've been barely sleeping. It's seven in the morning and Jason's spare bed was not comfortable last night. Jason. Jason who made me breakfast. Jadon who asked me on a date. Jason.
Jason wants to make out. Technically, we are "together" now.
This is what you wanted, right, I tell myself. This is it.
You want Travis and Abby, another voice says. You don't want this.
You messed up, another voice whispers in my ear. You messed up.
I squash the voices in my brain. They're nonsensical.
"No," I tell him. I look at the time on my phone, desperate for an excuse. Anything. "Look, I got to go. Studio. First day." He smiles at me. I don't have to be there for another two hours. I feel bad lying.
"Okay. Goodbye kiss?" He asks. No. No. No. I smile. I've always been a good liar. Everyone thought I was twenty-one year old Katie Lynne.
"Why not?" I shrug, feeling like I owe him this. He looks so overjoyed. He leans forward and I shut my eyes tight. Don't panic. Don't.
Travis is siting besides me under a willow tree. We are having a picnic with Aphmau. She's gone inside for a minute. We sit in awkward silence.
"I'd really like to kiss you," He blurts out flushing red. He looks so funny with his red face and green eyes and white, messy hair. So cute. I laugh.
"Why don't you?" Nervously, he looks up and I smile as I lean closer.
"Your not kidding?" He asks. No. I've dreamed about you for so long. I shake my head. He puts his hands on my shoulders. I lean down because I'm taller than he and he places his lips on mine. He's awkward, like he's never done this before.
Probably hasn't, I tell myself. He's an innocent, socially awkward boy. I break off. He looks scared like he ruined things.
"So..So...Sorry," he stutters. I smile.
"Like this," I murmur. I put his hands on my waist and mine around his neck. I place my mouth above his soft lips. "You ready?"
"Yeah," he giggles nervously. I smile.
"Shhhh," I say. There's no more talking.
I open my eyes and abruptly pull away from the blue eyes boy. He looks slightly shocked.
"Gotta run," I say shakily. Put him out of your head, Katie. I grab my keys, the cold metal clearing my mind.
"Love you," he calls as I open his apartment door. His apartment isn't cozy like mine was. Far from it.
I don't say I love you back. I can feel his disappointment breathing on the back of my neck as I enter the car and drive away from him. I want to get away.

I sit outside the grocers listening to the radio. The music has stopped on my favourite station and it's playing some ad. I have time to spare and nothing better to do. I don't want to think.
Your going to go sing. You'll sing and do what you love, I think. This will be amazing.
"And now we have a very special guest with a very special request!" The radio host says. Wonder who that is. My jaw drops.
"Hi, my name is Travis and I have a special message for a girl name Katelyn." Travis. I lean my head against the steering wheel. I don't change the station. I can't. His voice soothes me.
"Hey, Love, it's me your idiot. Abby asks for you daily. She misses you and, well so do I. I just wanted you to know that I want to talk to you. We need to talk. Meet me at 'our place' later if you feel the same. I'll be there." I feel a silent tear run down my face, ruining my mascara. He pauses. "I hope you hear this. Irene, wouldn't I be an idiot if you didn't." He laughed a pained laugh. My shoulders began to shake.
"Anyways, your the singer, I know. But I decided to sing for you. Because, I dunno. Something Aph put in my head." Sing. Travis has a beautiful voice, rich and breathy. He never sings though. He use too. But his dad told him singing was for sissy's. I clench my fists. Travis gave up singing a few years ago. Now he's singing on the radio.
He's doing it for you, dummy, I tell myself. This is for you.
"I don't love you, I don't need you.
I don't ever want to see you again.
'cause girl, I moved on and things are perfect.
I'm okay with us just being friends."
Oh. That went differently than I thought it would. You love him, I realize. Your just so stupid. I'm not okay with us being friends. I don't even like Jason. Jason who whispered in my ear. I wasn't seeing straight when I yelled at Travis. Now, maybe I've lost him.
"'cause I don't think about you every single night; I'll be fine without you.
Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you; I'm moving on.
No, I don't cry about you; never seen tears in my eyes about you.
Gonna be fine if I die without you; Baby, I'm gone." My shoulders shake.
"These are the lies that I tell myself at night.
These are the lies that are keeping me alive.
These are the lies.
(La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies lies.)
These are the lies.
(La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies lies.)" I realize the point of the song now. It's what I've been feeling. I sob loudly.
"I'm so dumb," I whisper. "Never should of let him go."
"I've got a new girl and she's my whole world,
And I don't care if you're not sleeping alone.
'cause life is so good; I'm doing so good.
Don't spend hours sitting here by the phone.
'cause I don't think about you every single night; I'll be fine without you.
Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you; I'm moving on.
No, I don't cry about you; never seen tears in my eyes about you.
Gonna be fine if I die without you; Baby, I'm gone.
These are the lies that I tell myself at night.
These are the lies that are keeping me alive.
These are the lies.
(La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies lies.)
These are the lies.
(La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies lies.)
These are the lies." Travis has the most beautiful voice.
"'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it.
Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you.
'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it.
Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you.
'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it.
Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you.
'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it.
Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you." I can't do this. I can't.
"These are the lies that I tell myself at night.
These are the lies that are keeping me alive.
These are the lies.
These are the lies that I tell myself at night.
These are the lies that are keeping me alive.
These are the lies.
(La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies lies.)
These are the lies.
(La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies lies.)"
The song ends and I hear him say thank you. I want to scream. I pull out my phone and dial the record company's number.
"Hello. I'd like to cancel."