Beautiful People

Chapter 2

I wake up in the middle of my sleep with tears on my eyes. Everything is still haunting me. Conscience and guilt never gets tired of working themselves up on me. It was as if they were programmed to eat me out until I have nothing left. Silly me, that's why they were present after all, to bug me until I die.

Everything would have been different, I thought. If I had just listened to my brother that night. If I had just listened to Rie's plead to calm myself down. If I had just been in control of my emotions.

What if the accident had not happened, will Sabrina still be in Palo Alto?

I pull up my sheets as I hear footsteps outside my room. I pretended to be asleep as she opens the door. I hear her sigh and told me to wake up and eat my breakfast as if she knew that I was just faking. She knew, idiot. But of course she knew, I just didn't like the idea of someone knowing that I'm vulnerable. Being exposed to someone I don't know would be awful.

I turn to the door's direction after a while, expecting her to be gone. To my surprise, she is still there. I panic for a bit but managed to raise my eyebrow. She seems to be memorizing the interior of my room.

"I believe you should leave now," I say, deadpanned.

Her reaction was priceless when she realized what I said. Or more like, when she saw the state of my face.

"Have you been crying?" She asks, attempting to go near me.

Of course I have been. "No," I say as I stand up. I proceed to the bathroom and stare at the mirror for a while. Hell no. I can see and feel my face getting redder as I realize that I was only wearing my top and undies. Freakin' undies.

"Freaking idiot!" I scream out of frustration. Has she see seen me in this?

I can already predict that this day would not be good for me, again, for the nth time. Luck had not visited me for months now. And for a moment, I felt envious of people in my age who are happy and are having others to make them happy. Would the world have been better if everyone was suffering like I do? It's so intriguing I can't stop thinking about it. Sure, it would delight me to know that they are experiencing what I am experiencing. Getting bugged by guilt and conscience everyday that any moment now, I could blow up. Getting all this nonsensical stuff inside my head because of a night when I almost killed two lives. Sigh. I can't even think clearly. I can't even find a reason to be excused from my misery.

I pace back and forth to ease my mind, a significant part in my morning routine. I have been in this kind of panicky situation a hundred times that I have learned how to cope up with it. A perk of having dilemma: Learning how to be independent.

Of course it was my choice. But all I can do now is to just look back and blame myself for it. There was not a single day I wish I could've been wiser, or that I should've been the one in a comatose afterwards. And I'm just fucking tired. I really have tried to fix myself and everything but it all ended up in vain. I'm just too exhausted and sick of all the sleepless nights, just staring at the ceiling thinking about how messed up my life is.

It's just sappy how everyone else believes that I have everything I want, that I can have anything within a snap. But it isn't how this existence goes. Since then, I have always felt that I was missing something and after self-deliberating, I have settled with one thing. It was happiness that I have been missing all along. It was little but it costed everything and everyone important to me. And yet, I still did not have it.

I get out of my room with my bag and phone at hand. I check it and am not surprised to see nothing. I shrug it off and head downstairs to eat. As I walk pass them, I hear some servants greeting me so I nod in return.

"Pax!" I turn around to see Nanay Alma walking towards me. She wants to be called like that because according to her, "Nanay" means mother in Filipino. She's a Filipino obviously, but not my birth giver. She has been working here for the longest time, probably for 30 years? I don't know. But she has been part in this family longer than I do mainly because she was Mom's nanny.

I smile as she embraces me. She smells like bacon. "Bacon," I say. She likes to have people guessing what she has prepared.

"Bacon and a lot more," she says. Then, like it was a signal, servants walk towards the table and put down their trays. "Eat well, Pax."

"It's Eris, Nanay. Not Pax," I protest but she seems to have heard nothing. My family—Mom, Dad, my brother, my best friend and Nanay Alma—used to call me Pax. I was supposed to get used to it, I wanted to, but it pains me to realize that only one-fifth of my family is here.

I notice a man probably in his mid-20s about six feet away from me. He is standing stiff and notices me looking at him. "Good morning, Miss Eris. I'm Ross," he says.

I raise my brow and tilt my head a bit. He is firm and looks neat in his button down and jeans. "Haven't seen you before," I reply and scroll through my phone as I eat a spoonful of food. He was telling me something else but I already placed Airpods in my ears.

The maid opens the double door and I see my car. I mean, it was Euan's Lambo, but he has his new Ferrari now, so assume this is a hand-me-down already. I notice the man as he is still standing near me. So I threw him the keys and he catches it. "Drive me to school," I say. I don't feel like driving anyway.

It will be a boring 15-minute ride to school so I decided to talk. "What's your name again?"

He takes a glance at me from the rear view mirror, "I'll be your bodyguard, driver, and somehow a butler. I'm Ross. Ross THE Butler," he says, emphasizing. "Pun intended," then he smiles like that of a champ.

"You replaced Wilson?" I ask. I kinda prefer Ross Butler, I mean, Ross THE Butler, than our previous one, Mr. Wilson. He was old and strict. And he was tryna show off to Nanay Alma, which was odd.

The rest of the drive was quiet as Ross was wary and I was observing the beach alongside the road. It was a serene ride until we reach Wester High.     Some cars are still trying to find a spot but Ross found one easily. Sigh. Everything's different now. This time, last year, in this very car, Euan, Sabrina and I were just hanging around until Euan has to go to Prior. I can still recall how we used to go here, Euan and I will drop by Rie's and then we'll go grab some donuts on our way.

I startle as Ross speaks. "Do I have to wait for you, Miss?" He asks, his head turned towards me.

I shook my head no and told him to just come back later in the afternoon.
I get out and start walking towards the school field, hoping they're still here.

And I am not disappointed. I can still hear the noise and the speakers blaring.

All these songs I'm hearing are so heartless
Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless