The Midnight Mantra: Inglorious Impostor 2

the Burden of Life

I put together a lot of screenshots and some videos. I often screenshot things that I find interesting, useful, or good to know ( usually) so that I can remember it later on ( ex. Facts in an argument). You, the reader, probably won't read through all of it. So what I'll do is leave what I have to say on top. That way you can scroll to avoid conversations or whatever it is you're doing. For me at least, I'd use my phone at social events pretending to do something. Hate doing it & wanna socialize more, but that fear of taking a leap of faith  prevents me

[Big breath] oh man, it's been so long. I don't know why I decided to write/update this book. Wattpad is starting to monetize all these things now. Injecting all these ads and paid content. It's starting to become cancerous like microtransactions ( ex. Money hungry EA). A business has to make a profit, but ads you're forced to watch deter users.

Back from the tangent, I guess I was just swiping through my Galaxy S8 ( be different, don't conform just because everyone else has an iPhone), which is running the smooth yet long-awaited Android Pie/One UI, and I saw the Wattpad app. I figured I'd update for old times sake

But yeah. Wow, so much time has passed and life ofc taking its toll. Busy summer studying for the ACT and then some. People say "study" but don't go into what exactly they did. Allow me elaborate. I've taken the ACT 3 times now. On the first two I got low scores. Thankfully, there's test optional schools but thought I'd boost it as a fallback option. So, what I did was basically rewrite an entire prep book in a notebook in my own words so that the content stuck to memory

Fuh standardized testing. I've seen undeserving ppl ( I'm talking arrogant pricks & Asian bishes who think they're the shii) get higher scores than me. They had the resources available to them. All I had was a couple books and some blunt advice. It fueled my inner anxiety.  Just goes to show how broken our education system is, especially under this administration. Low income schools fail to accommodate students compared to higher end ones. We have to go out of our way to chase the golden Willy Wonka ticket that is your one way to college

The people who struggle more always get the short end of the stick. 2019 & inequality still exists. My question is why does everyone have to struggle

I mean, I had someone to help guide me but I hate being reliant on others. What if they use something against you in the future? Can't trust them. The only downside of being self-reliant is that, at least for me, you're constantly surrounded by thoughts. Whether it's a plan or idea, it makes you hesitant & lost because of uncertainty. You don't have guidance or clarity essentially. Although being lost, a lonely wanderer, can lead you to what you're looking for

Anyways, back to the ACT. Tha grind. It's draining, soul-sucking, outdated. Think about it: a score that measures 4 core areas. Areas that may become irrelevant in a modern world where change is instant. But they make you think that the ACT is your one shot to college. Here's some advice from someone who's going to enter the application process: your terrified and that's not okay ( if you're stressing about the ACT). It really isn't and it shouldn't be this way. It's unfair. Simply telling someone to "do better" or to "suck it up"  is terrible advice. There's so many factors that make it tough to stay confident. A workaround the ACT would be to just be a well-rounded person who has done enough things ( I e high gpa, extracurriculars) to get into college ( 4 MORE yrs of bullshii. Only this time, you're paying for a thousand plus piece of paper  to get a job. To become "certified" and lose what makes you you).

Also, take time to write a compelling essay and make your situation appealing. Huh, I just realized something. "make your situation appealing." It ALWAYS has to be a competition. People pitted against each other. And for what? Don't give me the obvious answer. Give me an explanation for why we're programmed to believe these things and accept  the way they are now.