I have found that the best times to write are either when
you are in love or heartbroken. Passion will flow into
your pen, explode, and the ink will spill every secret you
have ever held. You will either shatter from excitement
or being broken is a lonely thing. Simply put, it's
exhausting. There were days I could not handle. I could
not bring myself to tell my notebook how much I hated
you and how my only goal was to maybe make you
happy one day. I tried so hard to be perfect for you made
me feel so lonely. The "I-know-more-than-you-"s and
the talking down to me were knives you stuck in my
chest and twisted around. You didn't notice my silence
when you killed me. When I stopped eating. When I
stopped sleeping. When I stopped speaking.You didn't
hear me at night as I prayed by my bedside waiting for
someone to answer the phone. That's what you would
say to me after I hung up on you. Like I had no reason to
ignore your calls. Like I was not a house with shattered
windows and broken air conditioning. Like I was not a
kitchen full of pots and pans but no ingredients to cook
with. But it is my cooking you swore you could not live
without you, I have become stronger. I have found that
when you are broken, and it feels like you cannot get any
worse, it only means you can get better. I have no choice
but to get better.
