Yes, Sweetheart

Chapter 19

The two Pinchola brothers and I had just returned from Kari's memorial service. It had been a few days since Kari had passed, and her mom thought everything that made her think of Kari was simply too painful, so she had the service as quickly as she could.

Many of the stories were funny, or things that I remembered about her as well, but that didn't change the fact that I was still coming to terms with her death.

Every time Levi curled up next to me on their couch, simply to be there for me, I wanted nothing more than to text her and tell her about how sweet he was. I had even caught myself halfway through pulling my phone out and texting, just before I hit send.

It really was getting to me, but overall Levi was helping more than he thought he was.

Just having him there to reassure me was helpful, and knowing that he had gone through almost the same exact thing was strangely unifying.

Still, I would miss Kari for quite some time, if not always.

However, in losing Kari, I had gained a friend in Paul. He and I talked almost everyday now, sharing stories, making sure the other was still alright.

It was starting to become bearable, but still painful and tough to deal with at many times during the day.

At current, I was sitting on the couch flicking through bad TV movies to find something to watch. Levi, having sensed that I was binge-watching to take my mind off of things, had gone into the kitchen. I believed I smelled popcorn.

Smart man.

"Aria, can I talk to you for a second?"

It was Josh.

Shocking.

"Sure, I guess."

He sat gingerly down beside me, where once upon a time it would've been us two on the couch once more, not myself and Levi.

"I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you."

I raised my eyebrows, and rolled my eyes a bit.

Yeah, great time for that. It's not like I could've used that apology weeks ago, you fuckhead.

"Seriously! It was shitty of me, and there's really no excuse. It was, well, I didn't know how I felt?"

I paused, taking that in. I met his eyes, a gesture for him to continue.

"It's totally my fault, I know. And when you bled on the couch, I had no right to yell at you. It wasn't your fault and I knew that, but I just couldn't wrap my own feelings around the idea. I'm a fucking idiot, and you should hate me."

I rolled my eyes.

"Josh, I hate you for the way that you treated me, but our parents have worked together for so long that I couldn't hate you for everything you've ever done. As far as relationships go, yeah, you fucked up. But we're still friends, right?"

He nodded, looking slightly relieved.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course, I'm sorry. Levi called me a fuckwit. I am a fuckwit. Can I admit it to you, then?"

"Admit what, Josh?"

"When Levi said I had those magazines in the bottom of my drawer? I, uh, yeah, I do. Not my proudest moment. It started just as I had said. I loved working out, and I loved seeing other people so passionate about it, too. But as more time went on, I noticed that I actually enjoyed seeing other men shirtless.

"At first, I didn't think it was a big deal. Hormones, right? This was just about the time I started dating you. I really did love you, Aria. It wasn't you at all, nothing, none of this was your fault."