BOOK 4: The Seventeen Heirs Series; Hong Jisoo (SEVENTEEN FANFIC)

46: DREAD

Mia Kazzandra watched how the leaves swayed to the wind's movement.

She found Joshua sitting by Audrianne's grave. She's not surprised. She knew he'd be there.

She sat beside him. Second passed and both of them just stared at Audrianne's name.

"Do you believe in soulmates, Kazzandra?" Joshua asked, still not looking at her.

Her forehead creased at his question but still she answered him.

"Of course I do, there is no harm in believing in something right? Even if it's not true."

He plays with the grass. "You know, Audrianne always believed in soulmates. She made her life a fairytale where she's the princess and believed that she'll find her prince someday and untill that day comes, I made sure I was her only prince." He smiles. "My brothers and I was her knight in shining armor."

Kazzandra stayed silent when she realized what he's doing. He's finally telling her about Audrianne Calixza's meaning on Joshua Hong's life.

"After she died I didn't know what to do anymore, as if I lost my purpose in life. My siblings were here trying to cheer me up but it wasn't enough, I needed Audrianne like she was my sun. I needed the comfort of my best friend. Joohyun was so mad at me because I never went to the funeral but I didn't care though, I have valid reasons. I can't bear seeing my best friend lowered to the ground like that knowing that I'll never see her again."

She just lets him talk.

"I was still a wreck when her first death anniversary came but that's when I bade my goodbye, because I finally came to accept it. I should move on but I can't get the guilt out of my system, I'm still blaming myself of what happened to her. Those times, I wished I never existed, that I was just a burden to my family."

"Audrianned didn't regret what she did." Kazzandra whispered. "And I know my Father didn't too, they did it for the same reason, Josh."

She heard him sigh. "But I did."

"I shouldn't have let her do that, I should have followed Audrianne, I shouldn't have fucking existed. All of this is happening because of me!"

He's still blaming himself. He's still hurting.

"Joshua . . ." She hugs his side as his head rest on her shoulder.

"Going back to that night doubles the pain. That I know it might happen to you again." He shakes his head. "Please no. I don't want that to happen."

"It won't happen again, Josh." She said softly and caressed his head.

"For years I've never let anyone get close to me again like Audrianne did fearing that the day will come and history will repeat itself but I can't do anything when you came crashing into my life."

He drapes his arm on her shoulder and kisses her temple. "She made me believe, you know. All the soulmate shit, I believed her because she had proof."

"My brothers made her believe." Then he looked at her and slowly smiles. "My brother's love for their women, no matter how hard and rough they've been through made her believe, their struggles made them stronger. And you know those times when they've suffered pain? They would still care for their women even when they're apart. I always thought they're crazy but Audrianne thought it was amazing, how their love for their women never faded amidst the pain."

He looks at the orange painted sky, the sun's setting and the timid breeze made the graveyard peaceful. Kazzandra looked at him, absorbing everything he says.

"I even thought of it before, what if we're not what we are today? Would the world still be the world now? Would the empire even exist? Would I be here? My family? If circumstances were different, the Chois would be a different family, not us." He lets out a deep breath.