Road to Recognition

Fifteen

"Reina, esta bien el muchacho?"

"No lo se, amor. Ahorita le pregunto." Reyes-san cleared her throat, knocking me out of my thoughts. "Is everything okay, Hide?"

"Oh, si! I'm just tired." I lifted the spoon I had been playing with filled with orange rice. "This rice is delicious! It's so unique to the rice balls I eat back home."

"Thank you," she said in her thick accent. She seemed pleased I complimented her rice though Reyes-oto-san simply grunted. Making sure they were back in conversation with each other, I resumed picking at my food. I'm not very hungry if I'm being honest.

I locked myself in my room after washing the plates to avoid being asked any more unnecessary questions. I can feel my energy nearly gone to smile anymore.

I launched myself on the bed. I'm tired, but not tired enough to sleep. Even if I was I wouldn't. Not with a clean conscious at least.

I should tell Zen-chan what I've done. I really should. I lifted my head to look at the laptop on the desk. Even though I should, I can't seem to find the strength to face Zen-chan. No matter how much I want to apologize.

I'll call him in a few days. I need to give myself a few days to cool off my head. I need to prepare what I need to say. I can't just start the call with nothing to follow up on my confession and apology. Zen-chan worries too much about these types of things. I know it would eat him up inside and stop him from seeing Aki-chan for a while.

Or who knows. Maybe Aki-chan has already told Zen-chan about it. That he knows everything-- or mostly everything. I brought my hands to my face and groaned. This morning I almost became late because I didn't want to go in the car sounding distressed while on the phone. Except I ended up getting on the car and finishing the conversation at school. Everybody either looked at me with confusing or interesting eyes. Everybody wanted to know who I was talking to.

I had to ignore everyone to maintain my smile. I didn't want to interfere with my daily work because of my guilt. By using up my energy at school, I hardly had any left for Zen-chan's family.

Now, here I lay, out of energy to smile with guilt eating me up inside. I turned to my side and sighed. What else do I need to do before letting myself sleep? I've finished my work; I've placed my laundry in the washer and dryer yesterday; I can't call Zen-chan--

Ding! Skype music began playing. Speaking of the Devil...

I turned back over to stare at the open screen with Zen-chan's profile picture. It's an English quote with a white background and black letters. I'm too tired to read it out from here. All I can do is stare at the screen while Zen-chan probably is eagerly waiting for me to reply.

The image of an excited Zen-chan gave me a warm smile. Zen-chan as an overseas friend who doesn't get angry over minor things. Then the image of a seething Zen-chan crossed my mind, making my smile fall. I wish to see the first image, but once Zen-chan finds out I told Aki-chan, he will not look happy. He will not be happy.

So I stared at the laptop screen ringing for the next ten minutes or so until Zen-chan finally gets tired of calling and stops altogether. It won't be until long after that sleep will finally, after laying contemplating all of my life choices, finally catches up to me.

_____

"And remember that tomorrow we will have a unit test. Be sure to complete the review packets to get the extra-credit points into the grade book," Clark-sensei said as he passed out the packets. People started groaning when they realized it is three pages stapled with front and back. I rolled my eyes at their complaints. This is just a mere warmup compared to the homework packets Mikazuki-sensei assigns.