The Three Body Problem

Chapter 6

Only a few days later, Poultry Man, still bored with all the war preparations, announced that he would be going AFK until the war was over.

Are you sure that's safe? I don't think anyone's ever gone AFK for that long.

i'll be fine. it'll be like i'm hibernating!

"Still, are you sure you want to do that?"

absolutely. i'll just go AFK, and when i wake up, the war will be over but for me it'll feel like no time has passed at all! it'll be great.

"Well, I guess if you're sure..."

see you guys in a few months, then!

See you.

"See you."

Poultry Man's presence blinked out.

"I know he's only been gone for a couple seconds, but I already miss him," Grian confessed.

Me, too.

"Yeah. Well, I guess it's no use to dwell on it; let's crack on with this base."

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Iskall and Grian wrangled Mumbo into being a mole for G-Team and regretted it almost immediately. Mumbo, being the absolute spoon that he was, messed up just about every order they gave him.

While it would have been nice to actually have some insight into what Team STAR (they had finally decided on a name; it stood for Superior Tactical Alliance of Retaliation) was planning, it was all in good fun, so Grian wasn't too bothered. Watcher, on the other hand, seemed unnecessarily distressed by Mumbo's terrible spying skills.

We need to get rid of him, he's going to blow his cover and they're going to use him to get to us.

"Watcher, it's alright, it's just a bit of fun. It doesn't really matter if he blows his cover."

As it turned out, Mumbo managed to keep undercover all the way through the first battle. It was for this reason that Grian was slightly sad about using G-Team's secret weapon on Team Star, but, as the Watcher put it, Mumbo knew the risks when he signed up, so a horde of zombies was released inside the walls of Team STAR's base.

The entire battle was chaotic and ultimately pointless. Sure, it was super cool to show off their weapons, like Firestorm and whatnot, but it didn't really achieve anything. Afterwards, the Watcher was positively seething with rage.

What a complete and utter waste! Waste of resources, waste of time - we didn't even learn anything about their defenses or their offense or their plans, or, or - oh, but I'm sure they learned plenty about us! We wasted our secret weapon on a pointless battle and revealed all our offensive plans - which the enemy somehow already knew about, and disabled beforehand!

"Watcher!"

What, Grian? What now?

"You need to calm down, dude, it's okay. It's still just a game."

Game, shmame. This isn't a game, it's a farce.

Their presence blinked out of Grian's head and he sighed. As good a friend as they were, the Watcher was getting on his nerves these days. Hopefully Poultry Man would be able to get them to mellow out while they were AFK.

At first, it seemed like spending time with their friend actually had gotten the Watcher to calm down, but as the days continued to progress, so did their blood pressure.

It was actually thanks to the Watcher being on high alert that Grian realized his communicator was going off. The messages turned out to be several iterations of [bananas] sent by Mumbo.

That's the code word! They're coming!

"Guys! Guys!" Grian shouted, frantically gathering invisibility potions. "They're coming! Get over here!"

Iskall and Stress came running, and all three of them downed an invisibility potion. Grian donned his enchanted golden armor and took his place in the armor stand display case.

A few moments later, Xisuma, Doc, False, and Mumbo crept out of the redstone in the walls, muttering quietly amongst themselves and looking around for any sign of danger. Grian tensed as they moved to the centre of the room, preparing for attack.

Steady... the Watcher whispered inside his head. Wait for it... now!

Grian grabbed his pickaxe and cut down the glass quick as a whip. He landed on the floor in a superhero pose, which was definitely going to hurt his knees later, but looked cool nonetheless. Iskall and Stress had also begun to attack the intruders: Stress with her pack of loyal wolves, and Iskall with his trusty sword, Iskallibur.

Right as Grian was drawing back his trident to throw it at Xisuma, the Watcher shoved Grian away and took control of the body, adjusting their stance and grip in only a few seconds in order to deliver a near-fatal blow.

That was brilliant!

I am very well-versed in several styles of fighting, including trident-throwing.

Well, do it again!

Together, they made short work of the invaders. Doc almost managed to get away by building himself into the wall, but Iskall got him when he made a run for the bubblevator.

Watcher?

Hmm?

Can I have the body back? I mean, unless you want to hang out with Iskall and Stress.

Oh! Here you go. They relinquished control to Grian. Make no mistake, though: just because I do not control the body does not mean I will not partake in the victory celebration.

By all means, partake away!