A/N: remember that The Archer-inspired fic I told y'all I might write? Well here it is in all its (non-)glory after like half a month of not doing anything remotely productive 🤠
Trigger warning: this fic has a theme of anxiety (and slightly references imposter syndrome kinda idk). If you are uncomfortable with reading about that, I advise you not to read this. I would hate to be the cause of a relapse or something so if you have anxiety, please read with caution.
Disclaimer: I haven't actually had an anxiety or panic attack (or at least, I don't think so) and I just searched Google for most of the stuff so this might not be very accurate but I TRIED OKAY?
•••
Taylor's POV
"I want to break up with you," he goes straight to the point.
"But Joe, I love you!" I cried. How could he leave me?
"I'm sorry, but I just don't love you anymore. Goodbye." Without saying another word, he leaves.
~~~
My eyes snap open and I desperately gasp for air. I turn towards the other side of the bed. Joe is still sleeping, blissfully unaware of what I just dreamt.Thank god, he didn't actually leave. He just came back from a movie shoot in New York and it is very obvious that he is exhausted and that he needs rest.
While I try (and fail miserably) to go back to sleep, my mind runs wild about the nightmare I just had. It is obvious to anyone who knows me that I don't ever want to lose Joe. I feel so relaxed and comfortable around him and he helped me get back upat the lowest point of my life. He isn't just my partner, he's my best friend too.
Naturally, I start digressing from thinking about the nightmare and somehow start thinking about how all of my enemies started out as some of my closest friends. Obviously, after being betrayed by so many of my friends, I start building up walls and getting ready for combat, getting ready to fight off any people who are just in my life for the publicity, even though I don't want to. But...do I? I mean, with the life I'm living, it's really important to stay on guard and be cautious at all times, and those walls protect me from the constant heartbreak of betrayal and people leaving me.
I feel my breaths getting shorter and shorter and more and more irregular. I know exactly what is about to come. Desperately, I try to clear my mind, but my thoughts just keep coming and going and show no sign of stopping whatsoever.
I really believe the saying "easy come, easy go" because of how easy it was for people to walk into my life and then walk right out the door once things got hard—2016 is the prime example for that. It is also the reason that, as much as I don't want to, I am determined to search for Joe's..."dark side", I guess you could call it. After seeing all those people leave and betray me, it's better to see the other side of him in advance so that I won't be as heartbroken when he inevitably shows that side of him. But I just can't seem to find it.
Then again, why would I want to see that side of him when I'm perfectly content right now? I don't want to ruin that either. I definitely don't want to die all alone, just like all of my heroes.
Restlessness overcomes me, and, as quietly as I can manage right now, I throw off the covers and pace in the room like a ghost. The room feels like it's on fire, but it's as if the flames and the smoke are invisible. Despite that, chills run up and down my spine.
Now that I think about it, has anyone really ever been there for me? In hindsight, no one has really stayed or left me. They just...weren't there. Maybe it's because they saw how I've betrayed myself as well. Maybe they saw right through me.
Maybe they saw the fraud that I truly am.
Maybe they saw that I don't deserve all this success.
And...maybe they're right.
Sweat dots my forehead and my throat tightens. My heart is pounding so loudly and quickly in my chest that I'm surprised Joe hasn't woken up yet. My vigorously shaking hands are subconsciously tugging at my hair and I start to feel faint.
However, one thought keeps repeating over and over and over and refuses to stop no matter how hard I try to make it do that: Can he see right through me?
At this point, no matter how selfish it is, I just want Joe to wake up.
Please save me from myself.
Joe's POV
Probably because of the jet lag, I wake up in the middle of the night; I can tell because I cannot see bright sunlight streaming through the curtains. Before I even open my eyes, the sounds of frantic footsteps, irregular breathing and mumbling reaches my ears.
Realising the situation, I immediately jump out of bed and catch sight of Taylor pacing in the room. She is mumbling what sounds like "they see right through me" and "can you see right through me" over and over again . Without a moment of hesitation, I wrap my arms around her—one on her lower back, one on the back of her head—and tell her to mimic my breathing.
Eventually, her breath slows down and becomes regular. As silent tears run down her cheeks, I whisper sweet nothings into her ear and rub her back knowing that calms her down.
All of a sudden, she pleads, barely audible, "Help me hold onto you."
"I already am," I smile.
After a while of me sitting there as holding her, her voice cuts through the almost complete silence, "Who could stay?"
"I could stay," I respond, kissing her forehead delicately.
"You could stay," she whispers, as if reassuring herself.
"You could stay."
•••
A/N: woah I just wrote like 1000 words based off a 3-and-a-half-minute-long song and without reading any other fics that are inspired by that same song that's a huge step I'm kinda proud of myself...I'm still cringing really hard tho
My heart actually broke while I was writing this I don't ever want her to feel this way 😭
Moving on, SKJSKSJS OH MY GOD LOVER...I HAVE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH OF A MASTERPIECE IT IS (both the album and the song) WHAT'S YOUR FAVE SONG OFF OF THE ALBUM? MINE IS MA&THP
AHHHH SO MUCH INSPIRATION FROM SO MANY SONGS but realistically my year-end exams are in 2 weeks and I'm like not prepared at all and in a week I'm going on this Boarding Programme at school and it's going to be so chaotic and stuff and there's no wifi in the rooms too I think (FUCKFUCKFUCK) so don't expect updates until November. Yeah, that long. My school makes really weird decisions don't question them
HOLY SHIT OKAY SO THIS IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED BUT I JUST CHECKED THE VIEWS ON THIS BOOK AND IT ALREADY HAS OVER 800 VIEWS LIKE HOW?? I'M TOTALLY SPEECHLESS LIKE I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THIS FEELING THANK YOU
Yeah it's been 20 minutes since I first published this...so I'm back again. I checked the rankings on this book and...#4 in joealwyn? Is this even real? I feel like y'all are getting annoyed with all the thank you's and stuff but seriously thanks for reading my crappy fics
Yeah okay please comment feedback and/or suggestions and votes are greatly appreciated too. And also thank you so much to everyone who added this collection of crappy oneshots to their reading lists it means a lot to me :)
-xyz 🏹
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Jaylor Oneshots
FanfictionJust a collection of Jaylor oneshots by me because they're just too cute 💓💓💓💓💓 Good news for all of y'all angst-lovers like me: most of the oneshots are probably gonna be angsty but I'm gonna write some fluff once in a while too ••• Highest ran...