Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 4- Page

I slid down the back of my bathroom door with a sigh.

Tears began to streak down my cheeks.

"Grace," I started, my voice shaking.

"I'm sorry if I failed you. You need me and I don't know how to help. I'm sorry you don't have a better girlfriend. You deserve someone as amazing as you. Not a piece of crap like me. I'm sorry. I wish I could help you. I'm trying. I want to help you but I just mess up. I always just mess up. That's all I do. That's all I'm capable of doing. I should just-" I stopped abruptly and thought of the knife I used to cut with before I met Grace.

"Yeah. I should just..."

"Just..."

I stood up and opened the top drawer of my dresser, digging through my clothes until my hand closed around my knife.

I smiled.

"Yeah."

"Yeah. I should."

I brought the blade to my wrist.

I slowly ran it over my skin, smiling as my blood dripped down my wrist and onto the floor.

I pressed the blade harder, cutting myself deeper.

I smiled at the nearly orgasmic pain.

I heard the bathroom door open.

I brought the knife down harder, smiling as I watched the blood spill out of my wrist.

Do it

"Page?"

Do it.

"I'm sorry I made you think it was your fault."

"Page it's okay that you don't know how to help. You're helping just fine right now, just being here and caring and staying strong for me."

My smile faded.

"It definitely helps that you haven't cut in 4 years."

I took the blade away from my wrist.

"I- I get it if you don't wanna talk. I don't blame you. At all. I've been a real dick. But thank you for staying strong for so long.

Fuck.

"I'm proud of you, Page."

"I'm really proud to call you my girlfriend." I felt arms around me.

"Oh my God, Page!"

Grace turned me around and took the knife.

She dragged me to the bathroom and quickly put a towel over my wrist, pressing it down hard.

"I- I- I-" I studdered.

"Mr. J! Get in here!" She yelled.

My dad showed up in a minute and gasped.

"Oh my God, Page, not again!" He ran over.

"I- I- I- I- I-"

"I'm sorry!"

"I'm s- s- so s- sorry!" I sobbed as my girlfriend and father tried to stop the bleeding.

"Shhhhh, baby, it's okay. You're gonna be okay." Grace said in a soothing yet shaky voice.

"I'm gonna have to stitch it up." My dad said and disappeared for a minute.

When he returned, he had the doctor bag he always kept in his room.

He had gone through medical school and worked at the hospital, but quit when my mom...

I was snapped away from my thoughts as my dad began to stitch up my wrist.

I shreaked in pain and Grace grabbed my hand ( the one that wasn't getting stitched up). I sobbed and repeated "I'm sorry!" until my father had long finished stitching my wrist.

My dad sighed and collapsed onto my chair that was covered in dirty T-shirts.

"It's Jenny all over again." He muttered.

I tensed at the mention of my mom.

Grace looked confused.

I had never told her.

It hurt too much.

"My mom." I said quietly, looking at the ground.

"Your mom?" Grace's eyebrows knitted together.

"Yeah. She...she uh...she-"

"Killed herself." My dad finished for me.

"Slit her wrists." I said in a near whisper.

Grace's mouth was slightly open.

"I-"

"You don't have to try and comfort me. It was 8 years ago."

Grace pulled me into a hug.

"Never do that again. You understand me?" She asked in a semi harsh tone.

"Yes."

"Never." I noticed her voice quivering.

I held her out and arm's length and was surprised to see that she was crying.

The sight made me tear up.

I kissed her softly.

"I promise." I said- my voice cracking.

At some point, my dad had left and decided to give us some privacy.

I wiped Grace's tears away.

"I can't lose you." She whispered.

"You won't." A few years streaked down my cheeks.

I hugged Grace tightly.

"You won't."