Behind Blue Eyes

Chapter 4

*Niall’s POV*

Her face got closer to mine, and before I had a chance to say anything, her lips crashed into mine. Her hands gripped my cheeks as her mouth moved against mine, I was caught off guard, but when I realized it, I relaxed and kissed her back, our mouths now moving in sync. Were you supposed to get that twinkly feeling when you kiss someone? Those fireworks? And that burning feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Because it felt like nothing.

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I hate seeing people hurt or sad, and knowing that I’m the cause of that, I just can’t bear to handle. I know that it’s not technically my fault, that’s what they keep telling me anyway. But that doesn’t help that fact that I know, no matter what I say, how much of it is true or not, it still hurts them inside. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t watch that hope in their eyes die as soon as the truth came out of my mouth, or at that smile on their faces slowly fading into nothing.

“Wow.” I lie.

“So you remember me?” Marisa smiled, the moment I said that word, I say her mood change in the matter of seconds, and I couldn’t bring her down like that.

“How could I forget?” next thing I knew her arms were around my neck, and Liam was glaring at me.

I never wanted this to happen. To lose my memory, to forget everything, to hurt everyone around me. But all I want now is my life back. The old Niall, whoever that is. So if they tell me I’m dating Marisa or in a band called ‘One Direction’. Then who am I to say it is not true. They knew me better than I know myself. I just wanted everything to be back to normal. Back to how it used to be, before I messed up everything.

*Liam’s POV*

I felt a twist in my stomach, the near fury building up inside of me, my fists clenched, my heart nearly dropped, and I could feel my throat closing. It was this indescribable feeling I never have gotten before. This insane feeling to either just run away or to punch out someone. I didn’t like it one bit.

I watched as Marisa wrapped her arms around Niall’s neck before smilingly place kisses on his lips. Since when did Niall remember her? I thought I was the only one he remembered.

“Liam! Liam!” I heard making me realize that I was staring at the two love birds on the hospital bed.

“What?” I turned to Louis, who was giving me a weird look as he put his hand down from where it was waving in front of my face previously.

“Mate, you were staring.”

“Oh, sorry, I was just, just umm thinking”

“Yeah sure, right Liam.”

“Hey if you ever need to talk, you know where I am.” Louis smiled before leaving out of the hospital room.

Why would I need to talk? What did he think? What did he know? I glanced one more time at Marisa and Niall, who were now about to swallow each other, nearly making me throw up on the spot, and that tangy feeling to reappear inside of me before quickly taking back my ‘goodbyes’ and rushing out to find Louis.

*Niall’s POV*

I watched as Liam rushed out of the room. And suddenly a wave of disappointment washes over me. I knew he left because of Marisa and I. But if I went to go find Liam, that would mean leaving Marisa and hurting her. But if I chose Marisa, what would that leave Liam? It’s not like this mattered to him. Right? This wouldn’t hurt him. But why does staying here feel so wrong to me?

It’s not that the kiss was bad, or anything. Just that I didn’t feel anything. Feel it. Something about the way our lips moved against each other felt different. Wrong. But I couldn’t turn her away and go back to seeing that pain of disappointment on her face.

So maybe I will learn to get my memory back, and everything will be back to normal. I can love Marisa, learn to sing, go back to touring again and I won’t have to be scared that whatever I say in front of everyone will hurt someone. Everything is going to work out. I’m not going to have to live a lie my whole life, everything will be back to normal soon. I know it. It has to.

*Louis’ POV*

I felt a hand grip my shoulder, pulling me around. I could probably guess who it was, as I came face to face with a tired, worried looking brunette boy. Liam.

“What did you mean, if I needed to talk?”

“You know I just meant with everything going on, that if you needed to vent to someone, I’m always here.”

“No, seriously Lou.”

I didn’t want to come right out and say what I meant. I wanted him to come to me. I just needed him to know that if he had anything to get off his chest, I was here. I didn’t know anything for sure, so that’s why I needed him to come to me if it was anything and he was ready to confess.

I suspected something a few times, the way he took Niall’s fall and being in a coma. How he would be at his bedside 24/7, the not eating, not sleeping, he was just an emotional mess. But somehow all the pieces fell together before me, the minute I saw the look on his face, staring at Niall and Marisa kissing. Almost torn and jealous. Brokenhearted.

“Liam, I’m pretty sure you know what I meant.”

“I don’t know, what’s going on with me.” He finally breathed out, bringing a smile to my face.

*Liam’s POV*

Louis brought something out in me that I didn’t even know in myself. Or even wanted to confirm that it was there. But I knew that if someone on the outside could recognize something, then I was bound to have something there.

“Thanks man.” I said to Lou as he walked away, making him turn around and flash me that smile once again.

“Anytime, Liam.”

Confusion was the only word to describe what I felt right now after that talk with Louis. I wasn’t saying I knew anything for sure, but now I was aware of some things. Some feelings.

I couldn’t be. Not to N-. No. It’s just all the feelings from when he was gone. From when I thought that I was going to lose him. Yeah, that’s it. Nothing more. I couldn’t feel this. I can’t. I’m not.

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I watched as Marisa leaned down to Niall and smiled before meeting her lips with his, in a kiss, which to me must have lasted for hours. I saw in the way her eyes gleamed when she pulled back, they were all full of passion, love, and joy.

“Liam, do you think you can help me?”

“What do you need, Ni?”

“Help me remember.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“I don’t know, fill me in about what I used to do, my old life.”

“Your old life.” I stated simply.

“Yeah.”

“But why your old life? What has changed? As far as I know you’re the same Niall to me, just a little spacey.”

“Liam, I can’t remember anything anymore. A lot has changed. I just want my life back. I just want to remember.”

Something in me didn’t want him to remember, because remembering would mean going back to Marisa, not that this Niall wasn’t there already. But something about him only remembering me, his ‘new’ Niall, gave me hope that something has changed. That something will be different.

“So what do you want to know?”

“Tell me about Marisa.” There she was again. I knew deep down inside that nothing has changed that he still loved her, and this is why he wanted to remember, for her. That this is that part of his life he wanted back most.