G U A R D E D | Tom Hiddleston

P A R T 2 | Chapter 19

You make me feel a feeling that I've never felt before
I don't know if they're gonna like it
But that only makes me want it more

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"You're going to have to get out of this car eventually, Colin" I said to myself as I looked over all the parked cars to make sure no one was looking at me as I talked to myself.

Maybe this was a bad idea coming here.

I grunted then grabbed my items and stepped out of my car but as soon as I shut the door my hands began to shake and it began to get harder to breathe. I leaned my back against my car door attempting to get my breathing normal.

My legs felt weak but I'm pretty sure that is just the hour and half drive speaking or probably the fact that any one of these cars around me could contain Tom.

Should I just get back in my car and leave? I turned around to reach for my car door when a voice stopped me from doing so.

"Miss Phoenix... he's waiting"

I turned around to see Jeff.

I sighed and slowly turned around. Jeff smiled sincerely at me.

"Wh-where?" I asked as I rubbed my arm.

He pointed over to the shore, and there he was.

"Why is no one else there?" I asked him feeling uneasy.

"Security measures, it's only that area" Jeff responded with a chuckle.

I took a step forward but stopped in my tracks.

"Is there something wrong?" Jeff asked.

Of course there is.. there is so much wrong. First, Tom knows who i really am, Second, Stephen is convincing me of my feelings for Tom and now here I am, about to face Tom as Colin, again. Something I though I would never have to endure again.

I turned around to Jeff.

"No nothing" I flashed him a quick smile. He nodded his head, "You take your time. Luckily for us, he's a patient man... when he wants to be at least" Jeff responded as he leaned back on a black SUV.

I nodded my head then began to walk to the stairs that lead down to the beach.

My legs felt like jelly with each step I took, my eyes could not leave the floor, in fright that i May just take a wrong step and tumble down these remaining stairs, embarrassing myself further.

And just like Jeff said. Tom was there waiting. Facing the ocean like this is some cheesy, tutti-fruitti romance novel.
Except now I know what those characters feel, your heart beats a million times per second but at the same time it is as if it Stopped beating. Your legs freeze but still continue to move towards the other for some reason. Your mind is racing yet somehow it is blank.

The sand being kicked up by my shoes, that may i say were new and clean before stepping on the beach, managed to make just enough noise for Tom to instinctively turn around.

And then I stopped.

He turned around completely and flashed a smile that seemed he attempted to hold back.

I couldn't even say anything, I had to wait for him. And in retrospect I think he too was waiting for me to say the first words.

I joined him at his side as I faced the ocean before us.

"You look lovely" Tom finally spoke.

"I like how you think an oversized flannel is flattering" i chuckled slightly, taken back a bit by his compliment.

"Well, what Can i say? You make it work" Tom chuckled as well which made me turn to him, he still had his eyes on me.

My eyes fell to his own outfit. A black dress shirt that is long sleeved of course. Black skinny jeans and some loafers.

"Well to be fair you always look nice" I responded then looked away out of embarrassment that I had just said that.

"That's very kind. Thank you." Tom responded.

After that it became quiet between us. Just the sound of waves clashing and the aroma of the beach. With the occasional beach visitors laughing and screaming.

"Colin, I am just going to say it again. I am so sorry for what my lies put you through. That was not my intention-"

"Tom-"

"No colin please, I know I hurt you and your career and potentially your life-"

"I understand why you did it" I sighed and looked over at him. He was immediately shocked by my reaction. I don't blame him. I was lashing out at him out of anger before.

"Maybe not entirely... I still hold some resentment towards the situation but not towards you" I said to him.

I looked over to my left seeing some people with cameras, snapping away photos of us two. I rolled my eyes slightly then turned my back to them. Tom noticed my action then faced me.

"I'm hard headed, we both know this. In some ways I think I owe you a Thank you" I chuckled slightly.

"How so?" He asked.

"Well with who I am now I developed a loving fan base, because real close friends with many people, I even got to meet some people I lowkey idolized but never admitted" I explained. "Plus it was kind of an adrenaline rush this whole time. Being someone else. Living the dream" I shrugged.

"I'm glad you are happy" he said with a small smile.

"Not all the way, I mean you are right. I fooled many people who thought Colin died. Lied to everyone I ever met. That didn't make me happy, having to lie about everything and anything. And to be totally honest, I hated being mad at you. I hated pretending you didn't exist in my life. When you played a huge role in my life" I sighed, feeling myself beginning to get choked up.

God damn this man, he always breaks my exterior without even trying.

Tom silently place a hand on my hip then pulled me in for an embrace. He held me tightly into his warm body. "No one Can blame you Colin. I could never blame you, I've just missed you so much, I've just been waiting for a day someone called me to tell me you weren't gone. That you were just hiding" he said and placed a kiss on my forehead.

In that moment I melted in his arms and I realized the love I indeed had for him that I denied for so god damn long. I began to cry at how awful I felt for pushing him away. For pushing away my thoughts and feelings for him.

"Colin. It's okay" Tom attempted to console me. I just nodded my head and continued to hold him.

"Nothing will ever stop making me love you Colin. I do love you" Tom whispered to me.

"I love you too Thomas"