Spiderfrost(PeterxLoki) Q&A

Selfless(Oneshot)

Inspired by Question 14, To Live On With The Gods.

"I change my mind."

"About what?" Questions Loki, who was in the kitchen, cooking dinner while Peter sat at the dining room table playing with a few stray strands of spider webbing. 

"I want one of those apples."

Loki jerked, furrowing his brows and looking around the wall of the kitchen to Peter. Peter stared back, eyes now a pale blue and drooped. He was currently aged 82 years, and while it definitely showed, he still looked absolutely adorable in Loki's eyes. 

Loki actually snarled, saying. "Hold on."

He returned to the pan cooking two steaks, next to the pot with already completed mashed potatoes. He had to finish the steaks before he could sit down and discuss something so serious with Peter

Peter never wanted one of the apples. As in, one of Idunns apples. They reversed one's age, turned them into a young adult yet again. Peter spent his whole life claiming he did not want one of those apples. Loki had told Peter about them, and while Peter beamed at the idea of immortality, he also was caught at having to watch all those he loved that were still human die constantly. Loki understood, and didn't press the matter, he rarely did with anything concerning Peter. 

But now Peter was supposedly changing his mind, and just because Loki didn't press the matter didn't mean he agreed full-heartedly. Half of him wanted to hope Peter was finally going crazy from old age, and wasn't actually changing his mind, but half of him... Half of him wanted to let Peter change his mind, wanted to keep Peter with him forever.

The steaks were finished, Loki turned off the heat and plated them with the mashed potatoes.

Peter was the only person he truly loved in all his years of life, and he knew it would hurt like nothing before to lose him... But then, to imagine Peter having to go through that very pain every time a family member died before his eyes as he continued to live...

Loki brought the food into the dining room, knowing he would hate himself for this later... or, perhaps not. 

He sat across from Peter, serving their food. He kept his gaze emotionless, staring Peter in the eyes. Somehow, in all these years, Peter still kept that gaze of innocent curiosity.

"I refuse to get an apple of Idunn's."

"W-what?" For a moment, Loki worried he hadn't spoken enough for Peter's failing ears, that is until Peter continued. "Don't you want me to continue living with you?"

Loki fought not to flinch, though those words were a stab to his hear no doubt. "Of course I do. But I can't allow you to."

"How come?" Ah, there came that fiery part of Peter, that never died, either. If he wanted something, he would be stubborn as hell, and even quick to anger. "If you want me to then why not? Can you not get it? Did you lie to me?"

Loki stood, glaring daggers at Peter as he pulled the old man up and pushed him to a wall. Peter briefly looked terrified, blue eyes sparking under his silver and dust brown hair. Then he calmed, knowing Loki would never truly hurt him.

Loki shot daggers with his eyes, his voice spoke of a horrible death by a dragon.

"You listen here, Peter Laufeyson, I will always want you, but I will not let you suffer through watching everyone you know and love die. You're always so selfless, why can't I? Just once, let me do this, Peter, I can live with the grief of your death if it means you not going through countless other losses. Just this once, let me be the selfless one, for once in my life, in your life, okay, Spidey?"

And yet, by the end, his voice was almost quivering, and Peter could see the tears in Loki's eyes. They were unshed, but Loki never cried, and rarely got close to crying period. 

And so Peter knew how much this mattered to Loki. Yes, he would like to live on with Loki, but Loki's argument, his own argument the day before, suddenly meant so much more. He couldn't crush Loki's heart by being selfless himself. 

Sometimes only one person could be selfless at a time. So Peter nodded, muttering Okays, over and over, before raising shaking hands to cup Loki's face, to wipe away the unshed tears, causing Loki to flinch, before leaning in for a kiss. They melted against each other.

Until Peter pulled back a moment later, chuckling to himself. "We taste like steak."

Later that night, exhausted and back aching, Peter looked over Loki's form with a goofy grin too big for any man his age. Loki spent his whole life craving love and approval, Peter fell for the rebellious Loki that listened to no one and no rules, that protected no one, but for some reason protected him. And now, Loki just willingly threw it all away at dinner, all the love and approval he craved so much. He just let it go, to keep Peter happy, and it made Peter feel like his creaky body would explode with love. 

His Loki had grown so much, he loved Loki so much more for it. Such bittersweet joy, happy, Peter fell asleep.

The next morning, Loki woke up alone. Loki rarely teared up, and he never cried, but that morning, he sobbed into his Peter's silent chest, cold as his own frost body.