I'm such a f*ckin lady

Chapter 4

Am I a waste of space?

My mother makes me feel worthless. I feel like a disappointment to her. I feel like a disappointment to everyone. I feel like she hates me because I deserve it and I'm not a good daughter.

I don't even know anymore. I feel helpless and I feel like shit. I feel like I don't have anyone anymore. I feel like shit. I get suicidal thoughts, but I know that I will never do anything because there are some people in this world I love so much. I don't know what to do. We have talks and shit about this kinda stuff at school, some prick was laughing today about the points people were making and I just wanted to cry and scream and tell him about all the people that suffer from these horrid feelings. No one deserves it and I feel so weak for crying like I do.

I feel so tired and weak and disappointed in myself, because I cry so much and I just want to hide away and be by myself but I also want to be out and happy but I feel shut out because, I think that shutting people out is easier and I hate it and I don't want to lose people that are close to me. At the moment everything sucks and I hate it so much. I hate my body, I hate my life half the time, I hate my mother so much she makes me feel like shit and I'm just fucking sick of all these thoughts playing through my head.

I bottle everything up. That's what I do and I just feel like I will get judged over anything I do.

I don't want to feel like this, I'm getting help I swear. It hasn't always been this way. I mean I've had other problems, like anxiety, but nothing like this. I talked to someone the other day, and it really made me feel better. I know someone is there for me now.

These feelings are just playing with my mind, they'll be gone soon enough.

---------

So this chapter isn't really about me, it's a chapter I've put together for someone.

If anyone ever really does feel like this, feel free to contact me on any of my social media accounts, including this. I'll always be happy to help.

:-)