Holding Petals

Pains of Going Back

To get deeper into things,
I'm currently not well.
I have not been able to say any of this to my family,
Including my own sister. The only person who would really understand.

I've pushed her away, and I am sorry.

To keep you all updated, I'm currently living in the starry eyed city near the bay. Life is better out here, but not perfect.

I recently came back from my sixteenth birthday.
I wish I never made the plans for it, though it was the best moment of my life.

I saw my old friends in Massachusetts who I loved and missed so very much,

I visited the cabin where my mother, step-Father, and I once had a simple life,

I got my father's side of the family to meet my Mother's side,

And we all went to New York City to see Hamilton on Broadway, and eat Italian food in Little Italy.

Why do I regret going?

I realized something really bad.

I missed my old home.

I missed Massachusetts.

The coldness of the house didn't make me feel cold anymore. All I felt was warmth.

My friends were like my family, and understood me more than anyone.

Why did I leave them? Why did I leave this place?

I'm homesick from the place I used to hate with a tainted brain, but miss with my new happy life.

I missed Massachusetts because I realized I didn't recognize the beauty until I left it. I didn't see because my life wasn't able to handle it.

What do I do?

I can't bring the courage to tell my sister and father that I'm moving back to Massachusetts, especially from the bond my sister and I have created. I already made my mark here, and I just can't hurt her like that. She doesn't deserve it.

Another thing would be, I would have to be with my aunt again, a person who I cannot be alone around for my own health, since she is herself mentally unable to care for me, but still has the enablement to do so.

I cannot go back, but it hurts not being able to.

What do I do?

Please help me through this.