Holding Petals

Random Thoughts and Taunts On Myself

This part has been written the day after that hot summer night.

It's currently five minutes past one in the morning,
and it's still warm in my bedroom despite my fan blasting in my face.

My armpits are sweaty, my throat is clogged with mucus...What a wonderful time to right about all of my problems.

Downton Abbey is a show I cannot seem to stop thinking about. I recently started watching it, and the theme song is a tune I cannot get out of my head.

It's stunning.

I can't help but carefully flow my hands like a conductor every time a note plays.

All you can hear is the beautiful weeping and desire of the piano, flowing like a wave upon the sea of violins, and the low worrying thumps of cellos. 

It's something so beautiful and hard to explain-

That's how you know it's worth the world.

It's almost as if it ends with a solution. A resolution to a problem seemingly unstoppable.

I think of this song whenever something bothers me, giving me hope to resolve a problem that worries me.

I wish I can confront a problem without looking like a fool.

Which sadly is a problem I seem to face quite often.

You see, I'm an introvert with a cause-
Which is to never say what you actually feel unless you are an emotional reck, or doing something thoughtful and artistic.

I love this about me-

I say this with envy.

Why can't I just step forward to a problem?

Why do I get a feeling of blind annoyance whenever a person asks me a question of, "Why are you feeling this?" And, "Why are you sad about that?"

I hate never being able to answer these questions.

Well,

Every unanswerable question starts a grand existential crisis.

I guess this is the closest I'll ever get to anything.