wanderlust | m.m.

fifteen.

"luci?"

i smiled sheepishly, not sure how he felt about me being on his doorstep. "um, yeah. that's me."

"what are you doing here? it's like eight in the morning." his voice was rough and his eyes had a tired glaze over them. i had obviously woken him up. that's probably why it took him so long to answer the door.

"w- uh, well," i stammered. i really didn't know what to say. i didn't really want to talk about what was going on with watson because i really wasn't sure what was going on with him. "can i come in?"

mat stepped back, holding the door open to let me in. he watched as i brushed past him and made my way to his couch where i heavily sat down. i let my head fall back onto the couch and shut my eyes. just from being here, a weight was being lifted from my shoulders as i was finally able to relax.

"so did you come over here to sleep on my couch?"

i opened my eyes to see mat still standing near the door, absentmindedly scratching his chest. i guess i did need to give him some sort of explanation about why i was here. "i'm sorry for just dropping in unannounced like this. i just... i don't know. i just need some time away." as i spoke, mat walked over to the couch and stood in front of me. i looked down at my lap, avoiding eye contact.

"away from what?"

"does it really matter?" i asked. "i'm here now and it's making me feel better."

"well if that's the case, i guess it doesn't matter too much," mat said. he held his hand out in front of him and waited for me to take it. when i did, he pulled my up from the couch and into his chest. his arms wrapped themselves around my body and his cheek was pressed against the side of my head. "i missed you."

i returned the hug and let my head rest on his shoulder. his words sent a feeling of warmth through me, but also one of sadness. in my efforts to keep watson happy, i had almost completely shut mat out, and without any explanation. i didn't deserve to be missed. i deserved to be yelled at or at least sternly talked to. in the process of trying to be a good friend to one person, i had been a terrible friend to another. and for some reason, mat didn't really seem to care. he was just happy that i was there now, and i suppose i should be grateful for that.

i was pulled out of my thoughts when mat pulled away from the hug. he caught my hand with his own before it could drop back to my side and started to lead me through the house. i knew the hallway we were headed down lead to the bedrooms and i was confused as to why he was taking me this way. "where are we going?"

"to bed."

"w-what?" my throat felt unusually dry. i stopped walking, causing mat to stop as well.

"relax, luci," he chuckled, easily being able to read my emotions. "we're going to bed cause i'm tired."

"oh," i said stupidly. "and why do i have to come?"

"because i want you to," mat replied casually.

"oh. okay."

mat smiled softly at me and then started walking again, taking me with him. he led me into his room and dropped my hand so that he could walk to the far side of the bed, which he then climbed into, so i did the same. we both lay on our sides, our faces towards each other. we lay there silently, not looking at each other. or at least, i wasn't looking at him. i was looking down at the space between us, but mat was looking right at me. i decided to glance up at him for just a moment, but when i did, his green eyes captured my blue ones and i couldn't look away.

we stayed like this for a while, just entranced by each other's eyes. it wasn't weird or awkward in any way. in fact, it was rather intimate. this was the closest we had ever been to each other. we had never shared warmth or breathed the same air for more than a moment or two. i could get used to it occurring for longer periods of time. being like this with mat was comfortable.