BatShit Insane ~BatJoke~

Chapter 4: Slow Burn

I woke up before bats got back, shocker. my buzzing headache had subsided, leaving me with only my thoughts running through my head. i couldn't get that stupid bat out of my head. the place where he had grabbed me to get me off was hot, a bruise forming on pale skin, and my mini joker made me think of earlier over and over. all i could think of is what would have happened if i had pushed a little further, if i had kept him under me for a little longer, if his stupid phone hadn't buzzed. so many things ran through my head that my mind actually started spinning. sitting in his room didn't help either. his sent smothered me, his bed sheets reminded me of how everything had started. in the background the new TV, which bruse had replaced at some point in my sleeping state, buzzed. I heard my name over and over, the story of my kind deed spreading like a parasite throughout gatham and probably even further. the famous joker, not so scary after all.

nothing got my mind off batsy, nothing but pain that is. i slowly ran my nails up my scar again and again, letting drops of blood trickle down my arm. it felt good, better then sitting alone with batsy running through my head. it felt like hours though in all reality it was probably only a half hour at most. i didnt care that my blood dripped onto the show white sheets that covered the bed, he probably had more, a lot more, and if he didnt buying one wouldnt be an issue for him. he was a spoiled brat, but even with that fact i still couldnt stop thinking of how hard he worked. i almost respected him, but i couldnt bring myself to do that, not when i was the one that he used to get his fame. beating a bad guy get you noticed, and doing it more then once makes you a god. i dug my nails deeper into my tender flesh. it hurt so much that i nearly cryed out but i refused to. what little pride i did still have would have been more wounded if i had to admit to myself that batsy had so much control over me that i would hurt myself to the point of crying. the joker never cryed, and never will.

"Joker" i heard batsys voice ring down from under the room where he had dissapeared hours earlier "I'm back, I need to disinfect your arm". i took in a sharp breath, i hadnt expected him to be back this early, i always remembered fights with batsy lasting the better part of the day, sometimes running into the night. he never beat a villian this quickly. he always played with them, made them think that they where going to win. a game of cat and mouse, you have to make the world think that the villian is almost as strong as the hero, you have to make them think that there's a need for a hero. it was the natural order again, i hated that natural order. i heard footsteps come up the stairs, slow and deliberate, as though he was giving me time to do something. to do what, i wasn't sure, but deffinately something. i mean he was right that i would do something, but still it was weird. quickly threw the blanket over the big red stain on the bed and shoved myself under the blanket also. i carefully positioned my arm so it was hid under the pillows, i didn't want batsy to see my reopened wound, i didn't want to stay here longer that i had to. i didn't want to overstay my welcome. 2 days in the bed of the man who had tried to kill me multiple times was to long, expecially when i was starting to like it. i couldn't fall into confort, not here, not with batsy, not with my worst enemy. the footsteps stopped.

"Joker?" he asked, i didn't respond. i pretended to sleep, maybe he would leave me alone. there was a long pause, the only sound in the large room was the relaxed breathing of batsy and my own pounding heart. footsteps came closer and after a moment i felt his hand grip my shoulder, gentle yet firm, as though he didn't want to hurt me. i involentarally relaxed under his touch. he felt safe, secure, a change from my paniced life. i hated my body at this moment, i hated my mind for screaming at me to just let him take care of me, i hated everything about myself when that stupid bat was around. i squeezed my eyes shut tighter and shook his hand off me, grunting as i did to. it wasn't even fifteen seconds before his hands where on me, this time he was gently moving me, untangling me from the mass of blenkets. my body acted involentarally once more, leaning into his touch, my throat forcing up small grunts and whimpers, and my hand gripped the pillow tight. i fought to keep my breath steady but it didn't work. my breathing became shallow and when he jerked the pillow gently my eyes shot open. batsy was in sweats and nothing else. light scrapes littered his chest and his left arm was brusied, it was more damage then i had ever done through his suit.my heart pounded against my chest as i looked at him. in that moment i wanted nothing more then to crawl into his arms, let go of everything. let the cat and mouse game that my life consisted of slip away and be replaced with nothing, to be replaced with the sent of motor oil and liquor that stuck to his skin. "Like what ya see?" he asked, that million dollar smile lifting the weight that had been there off my shoulders.

"no" i stated, turning my head away. maybe then he wouldn't see the blush that coated my cheeks, or the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. I didn't want to play the game of life anymore, i didn't want to be the villain anymore. as i layed in his bed, wrapped in his blanket and being cared for by him, all i wanted to do was to stay. I felt his hand grip the pillow and tug slightly. the fabric ripped away from my open wounds, sending my tears flowing down my face along with a pained whimper. i shut my eyes tight, i didn't want him to see me like this. I am a villain, I'm the one who holds no emotion, no shame or guilt, no pain or heart ache. Soon enough the pillow was taken away and i was being pulled into a sitting position by two strong hands. I just let it happen, the strength drained from my body into his touch. I wanted to be done fighting. he looked at my arm, his brows furrowing into a V shape. he reached out to touch my arm. I pulled away, hiding my arm with the other one.

he huffed. "Joker, we have to clean it" he said, his voice was gentle, calm, not mad but not happy either. shame flooded through my body. Fuck, I didn't want to feel this way. "Please?" He sounded tired, defeated in a way I hadn't ever heard him before. Maybe it was the fight that had worn him out, or the fact that his once quiet and peaceful house now held me, the clown prince of crime, and he had to deal with that. Either way, I let my arm fall away from my body. It was still bleeding, small beads of crimson bubbling up and dripping away from the opened wound. Where it wasn't open it was scratched and torn away from the skin. It looked pretty bad, even I had to admit that. Batman sighed, and ran let go of me. I assumed he was grabbing a rag to disinfect it. He came back soon enough with cotton pads, a fresh bandage, and a damp rag. I hate to admit it, but I was glad he was the one to do it and not some doctor.

He cleaned the wound quickly and wrapped it without any hassle. It seemed to come naturally to him. As he inspected the new damage i played with the hem of my shirt. When he released my arm I quickly pulled it to me. "I'm sorry" I half mumbled half whispered. He looked up and our eyes locked. His eyes where dull and the bags under them Made it apparent that he hadn't slept in a very very long time. He has a small scar on his left cheek that I had failed to notice before and his skin looked soft. I was tempted to reach out, but I didn't. The clown prince would never. "Thanks for helping me out" I said, my voice thick with shame. I shouldn't have needed help, if I had though I wouldn't be in this mess.

"Don't worry" his voice was rough. I smiled softly and shoved myself away from the man, not hard, just enough to send myself to the other side of the bed.

I patted the bed next to me as I slipped under the blanket, cacooning myself into a peaceful little ball. the room was filled with a thick silence, so teance that one might assume that a hero and a vaillan where stuck in the same room. wait, oops, that's exactly what was happening. I let myself hang in the silence, to embrace the stressful feeling in the air. it almost felt normal, like the same feeling I had two day ago when wondering gotham. I sighed as I recollected about that night, the girls tear filled eyes burned into the back of my memory, faint and distant, refusing to leave even after trying to force it away. the way the boy had looked at me made my face burn from embarrassment wile the my hands itched to do it again.my mind screamed at me that the guilt I felt when thinking of what I had done in the past was wrong wile my body drained away all the energy I had to do more evil. my eyes felt heavy, my exhaustion lulling me closer to sleep. as I finally gave into my wants, I felt the bed next to me dip slightly. it made me jump, and when I forced my eyes open I noticed that the lights where off. the room was still silent, but I felt calm, at ese. all the stress that had built up faded. I let myself smile as I snuggled deep into the pillows and blankets, letting my mind drop all the thought. I could get used to doing this every night.

a sigh came from the other side of the bed. "Im sorry Joker" The Bat mumbled "I didn't mean to bring you here ... I don't know If i can make you leave". His voice was baraly above a whisper. My eyes widened and I tried to say something back, even though I didn't know what but my body refused to let me. the world went black without another word.