Fireflies // Peterick

16.

A crisis had taken hold of Pete. His instructor pointed out that they had started the final week of camp, and every one in class began the collective downward spiral of grief. As soon as she had said it, however, Andy's words from a few days before got stuck on a loop in his mind.

"If you get too attached, your heart's going to shatter."

"Keep in mind that you only have a week left."

"Pete? You okay?" Tyler asked gently.

Pete blinked. He'd been staring at a blank page. He glanced at his table mates, taking in their concerned but knowing expressions. He shook his head and raised his hand. "Can I go to the bathroom?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pete sat at the head of his bed and stared at the wall across from him. He wasn't crying, not yet, but if he started thinking too hard he knew he would. Instead, he focused on the music blaring in his ears. As long as he skipped every sappy ballad that came on, he would be fine. He could put off the inevitable.

The door opened, and Patrick came in. Pete's resolve cracked.

He took out his earbuds, only somewhat aware that Patrick was speaking. He slid off his bed and walked over to his boyfriend. Patrick yelped when Pete enveloped him in a tight hug, but didn't hesitate to hug back.

Pete buried his face in Patrick's shoulder, trying to memorize his scent. "Only a few days left," he mumbled. Patrick squeezed him.

"I've been trying not to think about that." His voice wobbled towards the end. Pete pulled away, only to lean back in to press a soft kiss to Patrick's lips. Patrick kissed back, and Pete could feel his bottom lip quiver.

"Whatever you want, I'm okay with it," Pete whispered against Patrick's cheek. He bit down on his tongue as the thought of having to say goodbye to Patrick invaded his mind. He couldn't cry yet. It wasn't the last day.

Patrick paused. "It's not that you're my boyfriend. It's...it's more than that." He swallowed, and Pete could feel the movement in his throat. "You're my friend, too. I've never felt this comfortable with anyone before."

"Fuck." The word came out in the form of a sob. "Fuck, I feel the exact same way." Pete took Patrick's face in his hands. Tears lined Patrick's eyes. "I don't want to say goodbye to you."

Patrick closed his eyes. The first tear slipped down his cheek. "I don't want to say goodbye, either."

Pete broke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patrick's hair was still wet when he came back into the room. Even though he'd gone back to sitting on his bed, Pete could see that Patrick's eyes were red around the rims. Pete didn't rush him this time; the only reason Patrick had left to shower in the first place was to clear his thoughts- he'd come to him if he wanted to.

He watched without a word as Patrick hung up his towel. Then, Patrick padded over to where he was sitting. Pete smiled sadly and moved over, opening his arms. Patrick sat next to him and curled into Pete's side, leaning his cheek on Pete's shoulder. Pete kissed his forehead and relaxed with how soft Patrick's hair was and how sweet he smelled.

"Feel better?" Pete asked.

Patrick shrugged. "A little."

Pete paused. "Have any epiphanies?"

"Not really. A few thoughts followed by crying, but that's it," Patrick said dryly.

Pete rubbed circles into his back. Part of him was waiting for Patrick to speak, to give him a sense of direction, and the other part wanted to keep holding Patrick close and pretend everything was fine.

"I think we should break up when camp ends," Patrick said quietly.

Pete took a deep breath. "Okay."

Patrick didn't pull away. "I want to try to stay in touch. I don't want to loose you completely, but I don't think it would be good for us to try to keep up a relationship, especially because of my..." Patrick swallowed. "Situation."

Pete let his words sink in. It made sense. He hated it.

"Do you think we'll be able to see each other again? Considering your situation, that is," Pete asked.

"Maybe. We do live in the same city, and Kevin would probably be willing to take me." Patrick began drumming his fingers in thought, and Pete could feel it against his hipbone. "I don't want him to get in trouble, so it would probably be a while between visits."

Pete hummed. "If, sometime in the future, it got easier for us to see each other, could we talk about being boyfriends again?" His voice was quieter than it needed to be, but he couldn't bring himself to speak any louder.

"Yes," Patrick said without hesitation. He turned and pressed a kiss to the bolt of Pete's jaw. "I don't want to break up either," he continued softly. "I just think this is our best option for the time being."

Pete nodded. He tilted Patrick's chin up and kissed him, not wanting to speak yet.

Pete broke away, another question having popped in his mind. "So what are we going to do about this week?"

Patrick's wide eyes made him look like a frightened child. "Can we pretend? Like, go on like normal, and then when the week ends, every else can go unspoken."

"Okay," Pete said with a sigh. "Okay." He leaned in again and kissed Patrick slowly, another crack in his heart making itself known when Pete went to pull away and Patrick chased him. He didn't miss the way Patrick's hands trembled as he made fists in his shirt.

He prolonged every kiss, letting it wash over him, soaking it up as if it were their last.