vices : a brallon story

broken hearts

october 31st, 2009, 4:13:11 am

tick

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'he never loved you'

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'where did you go?'

'why did you go?'

'what do i do now?'

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the minutes turn to hours

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'maybe if you were good enough, ryan would still be here.'

beep.

wakey wakey.

brendon had laid awake for hours as his mind rampaged.
he shut off the alarm.

he was going to actually leave his house and go to a stupid halloween party spencer was dragging him to. and apparently it started at six am. well no, they were good friends of spencer and needed help setting up. whatever that meant.

he got out of the bed and looked down at himself.
"i-" he whispered  softly and gripped his chest, wishing it didn't exist.

he wanted ryan. or dallon. or both. both sounded good.

he just didn't want to be alone anymore. he didn't want to deal with his thoughts alone.

six am came around too quick for his liking. he took spencer's hand softly and started to walk.

"it's too early for this bullshit. where are we going?" brendon asked quietly. he wasn't in the best mood or state of mind and didn't want this whatsoever. but he went along because it's spencer.

"a place." spencer whispered back, obviously on edge. brendon didn't question it at that point, for that's all they were now. on edge and sad.

brendon's gait was slow, sad and tired. his upper body reflected his emotions just as well as his lower body until he realized that they were at a coffee shop. not a house. and jon was there. and-

ryan.

the small boy's heart shattered once again.

"why the fuck are we here spencer? what the fuck? why?"

spencer bit his lip.
"jon didn't.. h-he didn't do anything. i wanted you to hear it from him.. and ryan wanted to apologize.." spencer let out a shaky breath.

"i-i dont give a damn about what he says anymore. he cheated on me. he made his decision. now i get to make mine." brendon's voice broke as he looked at the man he once called his lover. his first kiss. his first time. his rock. his future.

it was all thrown away. gone. and yet, brendon was so heartbroken that it didn't matter anymore.

so he let spencer take him inside.

spencer sat down before brendon, giving jon a smile and looking at ryan.. who looked as remorseful as jon did, maybe even more. he looked like absolute hell but brendon couldn't find it in his usually caring self to try and help ryan.

"h-he-hey, k-kitten.." ryan broke the silence and brendon nearly growled.

"dont call me that. you lost that right." he said angrily, causing everyone at that table to look at him. he's never spoken up in his life, let alone be angry.

ryan put up his hands in defeat, looking to jon who just shook his head. he had told ryan that even if ryan didn't mean it, brendon had every right to be heartbroken and angry.

jon looked to spencer and bit his lip. the love of his life looked so heartbroken and sad. and jon couldn't comfort him. even if he truly had done nothing wrong.

in truth, jon had done nothing. he stayed in the room to stop the affair and let ryan vent.

and he broke spencer in the process. spencer wasn't the smiley little mama's boy he fell in love with. something changed. his blue eyes were dull, he looked unhealthy and unwell, he couldn't stop shaking. jon feared the worst. and the hardest part was that he couldn't do anything to fix him or help him. it hurt even worse knowing that he was the reason why.

but spencer just shyly took his hand from underneath the table and smiled, pretending like the last 6 months never happened.

but brendon glared at ryan. and ryan knew he deserved it but he still tried to make small talk, even ordering a few drinks.

he knew brendon couldn't handle alchohol but if it got him to talk, it got him to talk.

and it did. because he knew if he bought something, brendon would be too polite and shy to refuse.

well one thing led to another and brendon woke up naked next to ryan. something he never would have wanted if he was sober. so he got up and called dallon in tears.

"d-d-dally!" brendon exclaimed, scared out of his mind