Chapter Eight
I wish that I could say that after finally admitting my identity, I would still be accepted for who I am. If only it was that easy.
My friends still talked to me and all during class, but it felt awkward, to me and I think to them as well. Because I'm not the same person. And they know it. But at least they weren't ignoring me. That's a start.
By lunchtime, everything seems better. There is one person I really want to talk to though. And I see him sitting at his normal seat at our lunch table. I head in his direction when I hear someone call my name.
"Hey, Aster." It's Abby. I turn to face her. "Do you want to sit with me and my friends today?"
"Um..." I glance back at my table. With Kelly and Sam and Jake and Josh. Josh catches my eye and his gaze holds an expectant gaze. My head snaps back to Abby. Then back to them again. I see Kelly whisper to something in Sam's ear and they both snicker. I turn away. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"
So I escape with Abby Brown to the courtyard area outside, still feeling Josh's eyes burning into me as I go.
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Abby's lunch group consists of Ben, Max, Angela and a few other people I don't know. I quietly sit beside Abby, feeling the normal outcast emotion. A few people give me strange looks, but don't say anything. Ben smiles at me from the other side of the table. Abby introduces me, although everyone pretty much knows who I am, and soon enough I am able to get comfortable with these people. It's different. At my old table there was always gossiping and bad language and dirty topics. But here, the atmosphere is so much more honest, and easy-going. Religion doesn't come up, but fun topics do and to my relief, I find it easy to wedge myself into conversations and engage with people. And I find lunch that day very pleasant.
But sitting with another group at lunch has it's costs.
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"Where were you at lunch?" Kelly slams her locker door and looks at me with a demanding stare.
I shrug my shoulders as naturally as possible. "I just...sat with some other people today."
"You mean Christian people," She spats. "Aster, I don't know what's happened to you. Josh was really curious about where you were."
I perk up at the mention of my boyfriend. "Really? Why?"
"Well, we all are really worried about you." Kelly walks with me to Biology. "We don't want you turning into some religious freak. To be honest, we all want the old Aster back."
I stay silent for a while at that and stare at the floor. "Well, can't you except me as a more...sophisticated and well-behaved person? I mean, I'm still Aster."
"Well, I guess. But everyone was looking forward to your party next week. And you're really fun to have around. You are at least coming to Andrew's, right?"
I twist my face up in confusion. "You still want me to come?"
"Yeah, I mean as long as you haven't abandoned us for your other friends. Christian friends."
I realize that I still need to work at these friendships with my old friends just as I am working with my new ones. "Okay, I'll go to Andrew's party." I tell her. Hopefully, it will be okay. "But I need to see if Nate will allow me or not." I add quickly.
"Or you could just sneak out." She mumbles in reply.
At that, I guess it'll be the only option I'll have.
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I burst through the door of my house happy for once.
"How was school, Aster?" Nate asks from the kitchen.
"Good." I reply, sliding off my shoes.
Nate walks over to me with an envelope in his hands. "I got this for you."
'What is it?" I ask.
"It's from your mom." He replies.
I stare at the envelope in disbelief. "No way!" I rip it out of his hands. Mom never sent anything to me from overseas. She's felt so dead to me ever since she left, but now, giving me this envelope, I feel that she's still with me. I run upstairs to my room and collapse into my chair at my desk, tearing open the envelope and grip the message inside. I unfold it and eagerly read the content inside.
Aster,
I am so happy to finally be sending this letter to you. Sadly, this won't be a usual form of communication. But for now, I will try to send you this to help you remember how much you mean to me. I love you so much and I hope you are doing well back home. I have good news: I have one more month until I can return to you!!! I hope you know that you are not alone in life and I am still with you. And you have Nate.
And remember, Aster. No matter what ever happens in life, you will be okay. Have the faith and hope and courage to get through life because I know you possess it. You have the strong will of your dad. And remember that, no matter what happens, I will always be with you.
With Love and Hope,
Your Mom
I don't even realize that I am eve crying until I finish the letter. The letter that expanded my heart. I smile and start laughing and crying all at once, because the joy is so overwhelming.
My mom is still with me. And she still loves me. She still believes in me. She's still real.
It feels like all of a sudden, my life is starting to mend and come together. And it's because of God. So I pray to him, thanking him for all that he has done in my life.
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School becomes better and better by the day. Well, at least the social aspect of it. I still try and talk with my old friends and I get to know my new friends as well. Everything is better. I continue being nice to Nate and Cindy as well, and in return they are nice to me back.
And something else. People will actually start to say hi to me in the halls. People I don't know as well. And it makes me feel good. It's funny how even the smallest act of kindness can make a big impact on someone's day.
"So are you going to Impact today?" Abby asks me as we walk down the hall.
"Not today," I confess with her. "I've kinda made a commitment to my other friends."
She somehow knows what I'm talking about and she gives me an unsure.
"Aster, you know that that is a really bad idea."
"I gave them my word," I tell her. "And besides, not all parties are bad."
"But their's are." She objects.
"So what? I made a promise and I'll try to stay clear of the...influences. Don't worry." I'm starting to become more unsure about this party, but I have to continue with this. I need to prove to them that I am still me. Well, a Christian version of me. "I'll see you tomorrow." I tell her before taking off home.
