Not so innocent

one

I silently sat in the black car seat, constantly fumbling with the gun. I was nervous. Really nervous. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster every minute as my eyes were locked on the black gun. I could feel my brothers eyes starring at me like daggers. I knew how concerned he was, even though he refused to admit it. Joe placed a reassuring hand on my shaking shoulder. 

"Relax, Alec," he said trying to calm me down. "It's not like you're going to kill someone." I just stared at him angrily at his attempt to make a joke. A very bad joke. He just looked down at me and lightly chuckled. "Sorry, baby bro," he said and rufled my hair. I gave a low sigh of irritation as a respond to the terrible nickname. I hated whenever my brothers called me that. They always loved pointing out that i was the youngest.

With shaking hands, i placed the cold gun on the black dashboard in the big BMW. I took a deep breath and leaned back into the seat. I closed my eyes and tried calming myself down. Why was i even so nervous? My brothers had to let me do it sooner or later. Right? I mean i wasn't afraid of guns. I grew up with them! So why was i being so nervous? It was just a shooting range. People do it all the time. 

Not in some abeondend warehouse. 

Shut up, you moron. 

You just called yourself a moron, you idiot.

Oh i'm the idiot? 

Yes, i'm just trying to reason with the kid. 

"Shut up!" My eyes widened the second i realized i had said it out loud.

"Huh?" Joe looked at me with a really concerned look. 

"I'm fine. It's nothing. Not a thing. No thing at all," I mumbled.

"Look, Alec, if you are so scared we can still turn around," he said while raising an eyebrow at me.

"I'm not scared! It's just - you won't understand, okay? You don't fucking understand!"

Joe just shrugged his shoulders and went back to driving. An awkward silence filled the car, and i angrily threw myself back into the car seat. I just sat there staring out the window. 

It was raining. It was pretty shitty weather actually. The sky was grey, filled with clouds, and we were basically the only car on the road. I looked back at Joe, to see that he didn't looked tense at all. Thankfully i don't think my mini "tantrum" effected him at all. He should be used to them by now. He was driving with one arm on the steering wheel and the other hand held the cigaret he was currently smoking. 

"Joe?" I asked quietly, hoping he wasn't annoyed at me. After all i was the one begging him to bring me, and now i'm the one giving him a hard time.

"Yeah?"

"When was the first time you ever used a gun?" The question had been nagging in the back of my head ever since we entered the car. Joe just looked at me and laughed slightly. Asshole, I thought to myself.

"So we're not yelling anymore?" he said with an arrogant smirk on his lips. 

"Asshole," I mumbled, hoping Joe couldn't hear me. He didn't mind that we swore and stuff, just not to him. That made him go crazy. The car suddenly stopped and Joe harshly grabbed my chin forcing me to look at him. 

"Alec, you can yell all you want but have some respect, kid. I do so fucking much shit for you guys, so you better treat me like you appreciate it. You can swear all you want, as long as it's not to me." He roughly let go of my chin and pushed me slightly back in the motion. "Got it? Cause i can turn back right now," he threatened. 

"No!" I quickly exclaimed. "Sorry," i mumbled and looked down in my hands. I couldn't believe he still spoke to me like i was some kid. 

Joe started the car up again and once again turned his focus back to driving. After some more awkward silence Joe finally spoke up: "I was twelve. The first time i used a gun."

"Only twelve?" I asked in surprise, deciding to leave the whole "treating me like a kid"-thing behind.

"Yep. And it wasn't on a shooting range like you're about to try."

"Did you..?" i stopped myself before the awful question rolled over my lips.

"Did i what?" Joe asked with a demanding tone. "Speak up, Alec." 

"Did you... kill someone?" I asked nervously. A grin spread across his face, as he started thinking back. 

"I was supposed to, but i froze," he smirked. 

"Oh," i said trying to process it all. "Why so young?"

"Well, a guy with a bit of brain..." He leaned over to ruffle my hair. "... would remember that, that was about the time you were born. Someone had to get money for food. You ate like crazy as a baby," he laughed. I laughed with him.

Suddenly the car stopped, in front of an old warehouse. The giant metal doors looked rusty and like they hadn't been used in some time. Joe got out of the car, and i took it as a sign for me to leave as well. My feet hit the muddy ground, and i already now regretted wearing my white sneakers. Joe motioned for me to follow him as he snuck by the big metal doors. I through the doors and into a big room. I was overwhelmed by the dark room, as soon as it lit up. In the start i actually thought the light was still out, so dark it was. The room was filled with doll like figures made of cardboard lined up. There was countless holes in all the figures. Probably made by gunshots. Suddenly Joe handed me the gun and lead me to the end of the room.

"Your turn, baby bro."