South Days

Going Somewhere

I don't like to get out much, not even to the park or go on a simple walk. I'm not afraid of going out or anything, not like I have bad anxiety or I don't like to talk to anyone. It's just pretty much what I like to do every day; not like I got anything else going on.

Yep, It's my mom, my dad and I going to a town I've never been to or heard of. A nice small town with lots of nice people and nice stores and places great places to eat, or at least that's what my dad told me trying to convince me out of bed. I didn't care what the town had, I didn't care whatever it was or how nice it was I didn't want to go and that was it, but if I hadn't been threatened to been grounded for a month (which I wouldn't have minded anyway) I wouldn't be sweating in this car stopping for gas every half hour.

I guessed we were almost there when I saw a sign that was too small to read even from this small snail of a ride.

"We are just about there!" said dad while mom was half awake.

"Finally, though it would take half an eternity to get here." said mom even though she wanted to come here just as bad as dad did.

Then, there we were... The town dad and mom grow up apparently. It was pretty nice, it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be for some reason. There were tons of stores and short buildings but none that caught my eye. In some ways it just didn't look like the type of place my parents would live in, neither would I maybe. I mean what would I know anyway? Already five minutes in and I was already bored. I just kept wondering why my parents loved it here...

But... I looked at my mom, I looked at her eyes, they sparkled... In a way that I have never seen them before, she was happy. Why have I never seen her like this? Why have I never made her look like that? Do I make her unhappy?

I guess I'm overthinking things. But then, I saw my dad's eyes... They were just like moms. They were sparkling, why have I never in my whole life seen them like this? Was it my fault? Did I cause this, to make them move away from the town they love?
Yeah. It has to be my fault right? Of course, it is.

I'll admit I'm not very skilled at anything or have any kind of talent, I pretty much have nothing for my parents to be proud of me for. But it sucks to see some old town they lived in make them happy more than I ever would. It's a good thing they don't give me too much attention or so much as no attention at all, but it wouldn't kill them to try and act a little more supportive right?

I probably don't really deserve it, to say the least, but I really wish they would've actually been there for me after what had happened... Well, I did tell them to just leave me alone and that I would be fine but isn't it like a parent's job to bug their kids to get them to say what's wrong? I mean I haven't told them anything like that but shouldn't they know somehow like... Just feel it in some way?

Maybe I'm thinking too much into it really, I mean I'd probably not be here if they didn't know I had some problems and needed to forget or let it out somehow. Maybe they were just tired of me staying in my room or they just wanted me to go for a big family trip to see their old likelihood or whatever.

Whatever the reason I wouldn't been glad to stay home but for some incredibly hard to understand reason they just HAD to drag me into this without even asking me when they planned to go here. Yeah I know what I said but this isn't a good idea of a family trip if one of the family members isn't going alone with any of the crap that's happening, right?

Forget the attention, I would rather sit in the dark all day then see an inch of sunlight. That being said I'm glad they pulled me out of school. School being the reason for... Being antisocial, I don't need to talk to anyone that I'm not comfortable with or being around people I don't know or don't know about or who don't know anything about me.

Being homeschooled is still kinda stress full when all your parents do is give you work to do and have it done before the end of the day, but still beats getting yelled at, being embarrassed, or anything real school is known for being a pain for.

Sucks I'm not 16 yet so then I can probably stop school completely and not have to worry about anything else. Well, I did want to go to college and get a good job like somewhere I could get a lot of money but I don't think I could have ever pulled that off to begin with especially now. Not with nothing going on and hating everything about everyone outside of my family.

I just want to meet nicer people, people who get me at least or people who understand, but I'd rather stay away from people who I don't need to talk to. Nobody at public school even bothered to know or even remember my name, and I sure hope they don't now.

Look I'm not trying to be that guy who downgrades himself and makes themselves look boring but it's all true. I wish things could have gone different back then, but I guess it's better to take it easy and not have to worry about anything when there's nothing going on with yourself. Yeah, I know that other people really don't have that kind of freedom as I do, but what can I say anyways?

Honestly though, I wish things did things we're different. I don't want things to be the way they are but... I can't see any reason to go back. If something did happen then just maybe, I'll go back. But I just can't.

I really don't think things will go right.