A Harsh Reality | ✓

Chapter 32

Noah

"I need you to talk to me, that is if you are up for it, and up for me."

I almost choked when she said that. Fuck, of course, I was up for her, as if I could let go. I could let go if I tried, tried hard, but it wouldn't be the same without her. The moment I met Amanda, I knew I was fucked. I knew that my life would have a huge turn as soon as I let her in, so I held back. Until she broke my damn walls and basically forced me to tell her about me.

I would have never guessed she was suffering as she is. She covers her emotions so well I sometimes don't even know if she is faking or if she is being honest. As soon as I heard those last words, I knew she was telling the truth. She had opened up for me about her feelings, and now, I know I can't stay away.

When Jack told me that he and Amanda were a couple, I blamed my feelings on stupid things, like being stressed over exams confusing me and stuff like that, but as soon as I saw her at that party, the party that broke and solved everything, fuck, I knew I was falling for her, and I was scared to admit it. The day that Jack punched me, I fought back because I was furious, furious at myself, furious at my feelings. Beating Jack was no help, but it helped get rid of some part of the anger.

If I knew we were being watched, I would have never taken her with me. She was so drunk I pitied her, she was not used to being like this, and she reminded me of myself, of how I had started with the drug selling and the girls. Even if she was there with her friends, they were in a worse state than Mandy.

She woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me she couldn't sleep, and the truth was that I was waiting for that. I was waiting for her to come and get me. I teased her about it, of course, I didn't want my cover to be blown, I didn't want my real emotions to be seen. When we were lying down on my bed, I was nervous. I had never really slept in a bed with a girl before, so the anxiety kicked in. I told myself I would leave as soon as she fell asleep, but I knew I was just trying to mislead my head.

I could smell her perfume as she turned around and gave me her back. I couldn't help myself, and my mind started to wonder. She looked fragile, even if she probably was the strongest girl I knew. Before I had registered what I was doing, my arm had flung itself and circled her small body. Knowing she was awake, I thought fuck it and hugged her tightly. She relaxed as I did the same. Having her in my arms was something I believed I would never experience, but it happened, and I couldn't stop smiling the next day. I was an idiot.

The rainy moment in the park was something I've been thinking of since it happened. I feel stupid for it, but I guess this is what having feelings is like. The moment Jack broke her heart, I swear I could see it being shattered. When I found her alone in the rain, I knew she was totally broken. I barely remember what happened before kissing because the only thing I remember is her.

She had grabbed ahold of my jacket, and I somehow knew she was asking for me to kiss her. I obliged, but I still had doubts. I wasn't sure if this was the best way to act after being broken up with, but she made it clear that the thing she wanted the most at that moment, was my touch. When our lips connected, I knew I was lost. I knew she had caught me as I fell for her.

Now, the only thing I can do is wait for her to get back from Georgia so we can suitably talk about everything that has been going on. When she told me she had won, I couldn't have been happier. She was achieving her dream of being able to earn a scholarship to an outstanding university and was on her way to becoming a top gymnast. I didn't have to wait, I already know she will be an incredible gymnast.

I looked across the cafeteria at Jack. I was back to sitting alone and, honestly, I couldn't care less. The guys had tried to tell him the truth, but he wouldn't hear a word about the matter. And I hated him for that. She used to be his girlfriend, who didn't do anything wrong, and he won't even let her tell him the truth about what happened after the party?