Oh god

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But this boys love never fails. Every blink and breath I thought of that boy.

We went to the same youth group. So do all my friends; we were a gang of sweaty teens, who just wanted something to do. We brought food and sweets every Thursday, sat on bean bags and sometimes played sports. But on the last ever youth group before the summer holidays something happened. The night before I had a weird ass dream, or like a fantasy, ;)

It was in youth group and I was in a dark room with Nic, I just wanted to express my love. So In a beautiful cinematic camera swoop we are making out in this room, finally letting our selfs go with each other, it was passionate but tender. We were all over each other. I don't remember all of the dream but it involved this random girl called nonku and a stuffed cow she humped.

So the next day ( the day of youth group ) I told all my friends about it, they told me to peruse it, just go for it. But I'm an awkward son of a bitch. Youth group came, it was the last time I would see him, as he was going on a trip to Italy and I thought he was gonna fall into mount v. So my friends forced us into a dark room. We sat there on opposite sides of the room in awkward silence, I was sweating profusely, I just wanted to feel his heat. I just pussied out full. And I said that to brake the silence. I said nothings gonna happen because I'm a pussy. There was a pause, he looked down for a few seconds. Then he looked up as I was getting up to leave. "I'm not a pussy" he proclaimed. Then proceeded to kiss me. I was shocked, all I could do was stand in disbelief.

We started to make out a bit. He pushed me against the wall as I slightly freaked out. It was weird and unfamiliar, but far from bad. He held me closer and I could feel his heart literally jumping out his chest. He is a terrible kisser, but it was such a pure and impulsive moment that it was kinda beautiful. My glasses started to fall off so I broke the kissing to push them back up the bridge of my nose. We locked eyes. His lips glided from my lips to my neck, I could feel his breath ever so slightly.

It got a bit ewwie at some point, so I was like oh people are gonna wonder where we are. But I couldn't leave him so unsatisfied, what does this all mean. Are we a thing now? Trust me I really wanted to be, but nic had cool friends, what would they think? I realised that nothing could happen, sam Loughran would judge nic too hard, I could never.

I now look back at that and think, I am stupid. Even if he didn't like me that much the thought of his friends judging me shouldn't hold me back.

July 2018Where stories live. Discover now