Property of Billie Eilish (✓)

007

She clawed at herself, her screams loud enough to shatter glass. Her parents rushed into the room and smiled sympathetically at me. I had no idea what was going on, and I was terrified.

"GET THIS SHIT OFF OF ME!" she screamed "YOU FUCKING BITCH! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO-" she screamed out again, sounding like she was in pain

"Call the ambulance" Her mother whispered, looking at her daughter with a sad expression.

Billke groaned and stood up, her eyes watering and looking around the room. When her eyes met mine, she whimpered and fell back to her knees, her hands pulling at the roots of her hair.

"Get them off" she whispered weakly, her body starting to spasm. She fought against herself, thrashing wildly on the floor. Her parents just watched her, and her mother shook her head and went into her husbands arms, burying her head into his shoulder.

"Fucking help me" she cried out, and my heart broke. There was truly something wrong with her, and I wished more than anything that I could help.

Once the paramedics arrived, Billie went into full panic mode, thrashing and cursing, trying to fight back. They had to physically restrain her and attach her to the stretcher. Once they carried her off her parents looked at me awkwardly, their lips in a thin line.

They were silently telling me to go home.

I mumbled something similar to a goodbye and held my bookbag straps as I started on my walk home. A few blocks into my walk, the same ambulance sped past, its lights flashing and it's siren blaring.

I walked for about an hour. I was sweaty, exhausted, dehydrated, and sad. I felt like my heart was caving in on itself. I've never felt so powerless in my life. I watched as my friend screamed in terror, battling her own mind. There was absolutely nothing I could do, and that sucked.

I talked to my mom about my day, said Billie was doing fine. I bullshitted my way through everything. I just wanted to be alone.

When I finally got into my room, i flopped down on my bed and sighed loudly. Every time I closed my eyes I could see her on the floor. Every sound I heard seemed muffled as I only remembered the sounds of her screaming.

I sat in the shower, staring into space. I couldn't just brush off what had happened. I've never seen anything like that before, I've never watched someone lose their grip on reality right in front of my eyes. I'd grown up in a plastic bubble, not really allowed to know the dangers of life.

Watching her scream felt like she took the knife from earlier and popped the bubble, trying to claw her way inside the deflating thing. Her cries were like calls to me, like she was begging me to open up my eyes. Begging for me to see the bigger picture and help her.

"I want to help you" I cried into my arms, the hot water hitting my head and back like bullets. "I don't know how, Billie. Tell me how"

My phone started going off, and I shot up, wiping my hands on a towel. My hair was still dripping wet, and I was naked, but I didn't care.

Billie: They're taking me

Billie: I won't be at school for a while

Billie: I'm sorry you had to see that. I wish we could've finished the packet.

Billie: Take care of yourself

I stared at my phone, unsure if it was water from the shower dripping down my face, or if it was me crying. I didn't want her to go, as stupid as it sounds. We didn't know each other for long, but she was my friend. My only friend. My best friend.

I watched as the notification on the bottom signaled that she was typing. I waited for her to send whatever it was, my hands shaking, water  dripping onto the screen.

Billie: I see you're reading this. Try not to be sad, please. They're going to take my phone now, But I'll be back. I promise.

Billie: bye for now :)

I couldn't find the strength to reply. My throat seemed to close in and i dropped my phone back onto the counter. I put my head in my hands and cried. I cried for Billie, I cried for myself, I cried for her parents. Maybe I was overreacting, but It hurt. I would miss her so bad.

"Riley, come out already!" My mom knocked on the door, sounding panicked. I wrapped a towel around myself and shut off the water, opening the door to see my mother. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw me.

"Not dead, ma" I chuckled dryly, walking past her and down the hall. After drying off, I put Billie's sweater back on. It smelled like blueberry. I felt like an idiot for not noticing that before. The size and smell of the hoodie comforted me.

All I did that night was think about Billie. Her eyes, her hair, her scent. The lack of emotion in her voice, her blank stare. I wanted nothing more than to make her smile, and not in the sinister way she had earlier. I wanted her to laugh, I wanted to see something different in her. I wanted to be the cause of her happiness.

As I imagined myself making her smile, my heart fluttered, and I didn't even fight it. I had a crush on the mentally ill girl. There was no use trying to deny it, that wouldn't make it go away. It was weird that I noticed it now, after Billie had an episode, but there was really nothing I could do about that.

My happiness at the realization died down as I tried to sleep. She wouldn't be at school for a while. I didn't know how long a while was, but I found myself praying to whatever god was out there that she'd come back soon, and I prayed even harder for her to see me and feel the same. After a quiet 'amen' i felt stupid, but there was no taking it back. I had just prayed, and I prayed for Billie.

I hope god heard me, and gives me what I asked for. I hoped with my whole heart, I hoped and hoped until I fell asleep, wishing that Billie was okay, wherever she was.

[unedited, sorry]