Property of Billie Eilish (✓)

011

January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December. 12 months in a year.

Happy new year. Today is January 1st. I got admitted into this hospital on September 9th. So, I'm going on about 4 months here.

I've been keeping my mouth shut, I've been doing my absolute best to get out of here. I think it's working. I was allowed to see my parents again, in the company of staff. I did good. Spoke when spoken to, I even forced a smile.

They told me that living with schizophrenia is hard, but not impossible.

Of course, I didn't believe them. They gave me medication, and I took it. It dulled the voices a little bit. Helps with the hallucinations. I really didn't want to take the medication, but I had to until I could get out.

The silver in my hair is fading back into its natural blonde. It's bothering me a lot, but there's not much I can do about it right now.

I'm also really hot. I'm in my room right now, and I'm going to die because I'm overheating.

I have nothing good to write about today, because I'm sad. So I'm going to tell you (me) a story from when I was younger.

I used to really, really love frogs. We had them all around my old house and I'd always bring them into the house to show my mom and dad. They'd always give me strange looks and say things like "That's nice, honey"

So, I'd show my brother, and he'd always play with them, too. Eventually he stopped wanting to play with the frogs because he found out they can carry a lot of germs. So I went out to find something else that we could play with instead of frogs. I eventually found a puppy, and she was super duper small and covered with rocks. I dug her out and then I took her to my parents. They all started to scream for me to get her out, and I was confused.

What's the big deal? it was just a puppy. Anyways- my brother sort of pushed me to get me to drop it and I was forced out of the hallucination.

Turns out a was a rotting, dead cat. It smelled terrible and its eyes were hanging from its socket. I ran into the backyard and back to where I'd found it, and I saw that I actually dug up someone's makeshift pet grave.

I got diagnosed with schizophrenia a few months after this, so I've been living with this thing my whole life. It isn't fun.

A lot of people make fun of it, actually. They always assume that people with it only hear voices and see things, and that's only a part of it. Nobody really talked about the other stuff. Like the delusions.

Schizophrenia and Tourettes. They might be livable apart, but they're no good together. Like bright green and yellow. An ugly, ugly combination.

I could have it worse. That's what my dad tells me. Some people have full body spasms. Some people get stuck in hallucinations. Some people this, some people that.