WARNING ⚠️ self harm
Sara's POV
I feel like it's been weeks since I last saw Ava, Everytime I try making plans for us together, it's alway " sorry, I'm busy, I have way too much homework to go out now, I already agreed to go to a party with my friends...etc". I feel like each day she is just pulling further and further away from our relationship.
It's been 4 weeks since we last did something together as a couple, hell it's been 4 weeks since we last had a regular conversation, so I had planned a movie night so it can be just the 2 of us. No matter how hard I try, I feel this jealousy just building up more and more in my soul, she is always ditching me for her "new" friends and I feel like I'm just a second place trophy that people only put out when necessary. I mean of course I understand...she never really had friends before so she is excited, she wants to make new friends and build stronger bonds with them, but I still feel..i can't even describe it.
Maybe I should just stop thinking about it, it's not like it's gonna help anyone... plus she still loves me...right?? Ugghhhh.... I just feel.. I don't know... but it'll be okay because she promised, she doesn't break promises( especially not ones like this). I was stuck in my thoughts for so long I hadn't realized the time.. my eyes widened as I looked at the clock, I notice that it says 8:34, which means that Ava was supposed to be here 34 minutes ago. I decided maybe now I was a good time to text her.
Where are u?? - sara. ( 8:34)
You said you'll be here at 8
( 8:34)
Are you ok??
(8:35)
Ok, maybe I should stop being paranoid and just relax, she's just a little late, doesn't mean she's not coming. I'll just wait a few more minutes..
After 10 minutes of waiting I finally receive a text from ava...
Hiiiiiiikkjiijjii - ava
( 8:45)
Y ur texinggggg mrreeeeeee
(8:45)
Who thdssssss??????
(8:56)
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Ava?? -sara
Are you drunk?
Where are you?
Are you ok??
(8:47)
You promised you'll be here tonight
Ava, I'm not playing where are u????
(8:48)
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I can't believe this. I scoff
Almost every time I call or text, she's out doing something else, I'm starting to realize maybe she's finally seeing what everyone else was able to see all along. That I'm just not worth it anymore, that I'm just some useless lonely girl who is loveless, worthless and just too much of a burden to her, my dad and laurel.
Whaaaaaaaattt - ava
(8:51)
Ofc nottt!
I ammmmkmmmhbmmm not drunfk mi swbear 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽😂👍🏽
(8:52)
I can't believe how fummnnn n it isss isthmus why u l o v eeee party's so much? ???
(8:54)
I am sooo happy, thijsnsssss is the happiest I'veeee ever beennn... there's nothing to eorry about, I don't hove too look over my shoulder everyyyy 5 minsss to makeee sure your ok... I can just be mouuuuuu👍🏽
(8:57)
I ammm having sooooo much fun here I neverrr wana leave i think you should stay at hzome tonighut cuz i still have another game of sritp poker to play ewith my besgtiessss😂🤫🤫
(8:59)
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I feel my phone vibrate as I feel a string of messages come through my phone, I look down and I started to read them an I couldn't help but allow the few tears I was holding in to be released. I was so furious, I planned this day perfectly to ensure we get to spend time together yet here I am sitting in my room alone with tears running down my red colored cheeks and without a girlfriend.
Usually I would try calling laurel but ever since she got her boyfriend and moved out, she doesn't really talk to me anymore, everytime I call she just yells at me saying she's too "busy" to talk right now. Then there's my dad, no matter how hard I try or what I do, he just seems to become more and more disappointed in me, and before it was always laurel who was his golden child ( still is) so no matter what I do it's just never good enough for him or anyone else. No one knows this, not even ava but before we met all I used to think about was dying, I would just think of all the ways I could make everyone's life better by leaving this world because I always felt so inferior to everyone,especially laurel..but then I met ava and everything changed, I felt like I finally had a reason to live, a purpose, a reason to wake up every morning, but now I don't. I mean ava said it herself she feels more free now that she doesn't have to worry, or " look over her shoulder every 5 minutes trying to make sure I'm okay"... so maybe I was right?? Leaving will do everyone some good.. I mean this way, laurel won't have to worry about me being "annoying" or ruining her life, things, relationship? At least this way it will stop giving my dad reasons to be mad at me, disappointed or just wish for the daughter he always wanted, because I mean let's be honest, I'm anything from the perfect daughter, that laurel's job..... and maybe this way I can finally set ava free so she can live the life she always wanted where she will have her freedom and won't have to worry about me anymore. I can finally be at peace and plus I'll be doing everyone a favor.
Without second thought I rose from my bed, went over to my dresser and grabbed my razor( with some dried blood on it) I hadn't used it in a few months now, but I just held it tightly in my hand and walked across the hall to the bathroom, where I just stood in front of the mirror with the blade in my hand, pressing it down to my pale freckled skin ready to make a vertical cut starting from my wrist going down to the crevices of my arm in hopes that by making this long cut will cause me to go for good. I pressed down harder drawing blood.... here I go.
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Do u want a part two??? To this story or no.
If there's anything else you would like to see, just comment down below, I am open to request....hope you liked it.
I would appreciate constructive criticism after each chapter (not to be difficult)
Also, pls vote 👇🏽 and let me know if I should write more or what u would like me to write about.
*QUEEN-M👑*
