I start to draw blood as I drag the razor across my left arm, then my right arm. I just sat on the bathroom floor just taking everything in. Just looking at all the blood, it was so much blood. It surrounds me.I felt like i just didn't want to exist anymore, I just wanted to get away from everything, to make everyone happier. I just feel like everything is going in slow motion, why can't the pain just end already. Not the pain in my arms( tbh.. I've done this more times that I can count on one hand so ig I should be used to it by now, yet somehow I manage to be shocked, shocked by how free I feel in this moment, by how despite all the blood, I feel nothing, no pain, no hurt....just numbness) but the pain in my heart. These past few months, I know I haven't been the best, but I was trying, not just for everyone , but for myself. I thought I was finally free, finally happy. I even thought that I was doing so much better in school( all As, but sadly.. the minute I tried to tell or show my dad, he just looked at me with such disgust in his eyes, he blames me for laurel leaving, he's upset because he has to live with his disappointment of a daughter for a few more years, but I guess now he won't have to be bothered by me anymore, his wish came true), my relationship( I thought after all the twists and turns, after everything we've been through together these past few months, we could conquer anything the world throws our way, but it seems all that faith was one sided. Sadly enough, I even imagined ourselves together forever, getting married, maybe adopting, I even thought she was my one true love, my soulmate. I guess true love really doesn't exist, I was just being optimistic in hopes that it might save our relationship but, I guess there was nothing to save in the first place. She made her choice a long time ago and I'm kicking myself for not realizing that sooner. She felt suffocated but she still stayed because she didn't want to be "that" girl and she obviously felt obligated too, especially after the whole Damian Darke trying to murder my family and her thing) and my relationship with my sister and friends( I thought I could always count on them, that they cared about me, especially laurel, but being on my own these past few weeks really got me to see that I was just another annoying person in their lives, just another burden to add to their pile. I tried so hard to just express how I was feeling to them. Honestly, to anyone who would listen, to hopefully find someone who isn't preoccupied, who will really really look into my eyes and see the truth. Who will just say the words " Are u ok"?, and actually genuinely mean it, not say it because they felt like they had too because if anything happened at least they'll know they "tried" to help right??). But that never came, I tried soooo hard. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and well it never came. I waited and waited and waited and waited and not once during that time did I receive an "I'm proud of you" or an " I love you", not even an " How are you? Are you ok??". Guess that's my fault right?..... As all these thoughts swarmed my mind, I started to feel light headed, dizzy and next thing I know, all I see is complete darkness surrounding me. All I can think of is this is it. This is what I've always wanted.
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3rd POV
Word got around, news spread fast when you live in such a small area where everyone is always in the other's business. Everyone phones ringing, texts rolling in like a tsunami, tears. A lot of tears. Laurel was the one who found sara( she had come home to grab the rest of her stuff for her apartment), lying on the bathroom floor, lying in a pool of her own blood, completely cold and pale.She called 911 but unfortunately it was too late. She kept thinking over and over.. "how could I have not seen the signs, how could my own sister be so depressed that she thought killing her self was the only option and how did I not know? And just a lot of how and why questions popping up in her head. But the biggest one everyone who knew about what happened wondered the same exact thing? " why? Why did she do it?". If only they knew that each and everyone of them played a part in her death .... oh wait they did.
Later on when they did the autopsy they found a note in the back of her right pocket.... answering everyone's questions. Each and Everyone who was mentioned in the letter was told to come down by the station, each of them allowed a chance to read the note( obviously it's the police's copied note.. can't tamper with evidence). Let's just say the "meeting" ended in a lot of tears and everyone left with the same pain in their chest , that Sara felt EVERY SINGLE DAY leading up to her dead and a lot of guilty consciences. The note was never about them experiencing the pain she felt, it was just so that they realized the severity of the situation. Whenever she tried to talk to someone, they always laughed, said she'd never do it, said she needed help or that she was just being ridiculous and thinking irrationally. Now they know it isn't funny or something to joke about, it's a serious problem and they finally understood that all sara wanted was to feel appreciated, loved, to be taken seriously and most of all, to be LISTENED too. She wanted them to see that it's really no joke, it's how she felt, and whoever didn't listen when she needed the help ..well, maybe they will see the signs in someone else and help them before it's too late. Don't worry, Sara is happy, she's free and she's never felt more alive ( no pun intended )
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If there's anything else you would like to see, just comment down below, I am open to request....hope you liked it.
I would appreciate constructive criticism after each chapter (not to be difficult)
Also, pls vote 👇🏽 and let me know if I should write more or what u would like me to write about.
*QUEEN-M👑*
