A Father's Love

Ch.7- Barely

Poppy's POV

I heard the familiar voice in the back of my head again: doubt.

He will hurt us, what if it happens again? I force my eyes shut and take a deep breath in, my attempt to push isolate those thoughts to the back of my head. My fingers fumbled with the cushion next to me trying to ease the discomfort in my stomach. I felt my anxiety plummet through the roof, it felt like it was before like another attack was coming, usually the boxed, little room of the care home made me feel less overwhelmed but sitting here on a plush double bed worth more than I have ever owned made me feel more stressed them ever. I never thought it would happen again, not after Dad. I knew I couldn't just sit here forever and if my brain decided it was going to go into full pledge attack mode I needed someone with me but more importantly wanted someone with me. I forced my numb legs up and stumbled towards the door, trying to gain balance. I crept past Louis's new room where Lisa was playing with him gleeful sounds coming from Louis as Lisa chirped away to him. I felt envious that they had formed a good relationship already but it made me feel isolated and more alone than ever. I made my way down the stairs and saw Jake sitting on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. I walked over to him before I had the chance to talk myself out of it. I lingered by the empty seat beside him. Already, my brain was screaming at me to leave to run straight back to the care home and curl up in the corner and let the attack pass as I had countless of times before. But I made myself, make myself noticed by him my steps go louder and he glanced up at me, wearing a small smile.

"Can I ..." I murmured, my voice a mix of nerves and emotion. As my legs began to shake, I knew that it was coming.

"Yeah," he replied, nodding he kept his careful gaze on me but it wasn't pressured he was letting me take it at my own pace, which I was thankful for. I sat down next to him, close enough that our shoulders were touching. My throat began to sting with pins and needles, as I really wanted him to just talk me down from this but I also didn't I wanted him to leave to leave me alone. I shuffled down a little so my head could lie on his shoulder. I couldn't do this. My fingers subconsciously started playing with each other as they often did when I was felt like this. I started counting the books on the bookshelf but was distracted from it when Jake closed his hands around my shaking ones. We connected eyes for a moment and he instantly knew something was wrong but I don't think he wanted to ask me about it so just wrapped his arms around me letting my head settle into his shoulder. Instead of increasing, my breathing slowed as his grip was soft and comforting, I felt tears tumble down my face onto his shirt, the overwhelming feeling of anxiety and guilt flooded me again.

"I'm sorry for earlier," I muffled, hoping that the guilt would leave me. I snuggled back into his shoulder, screwing my eyes shut to try and stop the flow of tears. Realising that the guilt didn't suddenly take the exit route.

"Shh, calm down, it's ok," he said, his voice a mere croak with emotion, his hand tracing through my hair. I felt my heart slow a little making the knot in my stomach ease. He stayed holding me for a while, continuing to speak to me, he didn't know what was up with me but he dealt with it and I could tell he wanted to know. I pulled away from him and swiped the tears away from my face, his hand remained on my back letting me know that he was still there even though he was right in front of me.

"What's the matter?" he asked, his hand finding me knee.

"I just saw how hurt you were earlier upstairs and I tried to," I flustered, my palms sweating again, he pulled me into his chest again, telling me to calm down.

"Stop this, I'm fine," he told me gently, which only made me cry harder, I held my breath and tried to stomach my sob instead of letting it out. I let go of Jake and he insisted on putting on a movie and cuddling for the rest of the night, which I definitely wasn't going to argue with. Lisa and Louis joined us and we spent the rest of the night playing movies and stupid games, which Lisa was still very competitive over. We had moved onto the third game of charades.