Mines

Chapter Twenty-nine

     "It's going to be okay." I whisper in Alex's ear, and he hiccups again, his fist clenched around my shirt, his other arm wrapped around my neck and his face buried in my shirt. I can feel his tears falling on me, but I don't care. On the contrary, I hold him closer, even tighter. After what seems to be hours of holding each other, Alex finally looks up. His wide set dark brown eyes staring sorrowfully at me, swimming in tears.
     "Thanks." he finally chokes out, not releasing his grip on me.
     "What?" I ask, a bit stupidly. I have absolutely no idea why he would ever thank me. What have I done for him except...except just giving up on talking with him, and hug him. I don't even know why, I don't know if I did it for myself or...
     "Thanks," he says again. "I mean it. Y-you were there for me. You didn't give up on me and backed away, and you... you didn't let me cry alone."
     "It would seem... idiotic to leave you alone. And selfish," I answer, brushing off his compliments. Ones I clearly don't deserve. "It was the right thing to do." I add.
     "Further proof that you're not selfish." Alex smiles up at me, making my heart thump violently in my throat.
     "You're just trying to make up for that time you did call me selfish." I say, my face flickering into a smile.
     "Maybe," he admits. "Maybe I am, but it was wrong of me to say that. And I really hurt you, didn't I?" We're quiet for a moment until I whisper:
     "You did. I hurt me a lot, and it did make me upset," His eyes go downcast again, his smile fading. "But it's okay."
     "No it's not," he mutters. "It was wrong of me and I'm so sorry I really didn't want to make you more upset and I-" and then he starts to go on a rant about all the things he should have done differently around me, and hyperventilating all the while. Sensing the danger of more tears I quickly cut into it.
     "Hey, hey, hey," I say, and I pull both of us up onto our feet, but I still hold his hands, and yeah, maybe it's for myself this time. "It's really okay, you've already apologized, multiple times."
     "But I shouldn't have said it." Alex says, obviously furious with himself.
     "Why do you think I care so much? Sure it was upsetting in the moment but-"
     "Because... because you're delicate John."

     "Really? You think I... I'm delicate?" I ask, staring down at both of our feet, but letting my eyes flicker up to meet his.
"Yeah. But aren't we all? If not now, one day we will be." he answers, smiling at me, although he still had sadness in his eyes. I tighten my grip around his hands and hesitate for a moment, and then take a deep breath and continue.
"Alex... Alex, why are you afraid of rain?" his eyes seem to cloud over, and once again his smiling slips from his face like hands trying to cup water. "You don't have to answer."
"No... no... I should. It'd- it'd make me feel better. I think, and um... you deserve to know," Alex says sadly. I deserve to know? Why? What have I done for him... nothing... I haven't done anything for him except hold him close, and that was partially for myself. And then he tells me. He tells me of how his father left him at a young age, and then his mother died of sickness and a broken heart, and how he almost died as well. "It was the first of many times that I almost died. I... some days I just can't seem to die." Then he tells me how he and his brother had to fight to survive, and he had to lie about his age and had to work two jobs a day, and try to educate himself at the same time. He's on the floor again, his knees tucked to his chest and his arms and hands covering his head and face. And I'm right beside him. He pauses for a moment, and then tells me of the hurricane.

     Water blowing up from all sides, splashing up houses and lapping up people running away from the dangerous depths. People screaming as they and their loved ones drowned or got torn up by the hurricane, the mass of wind and water that seemed to attack us from all sides. And then theirs me, and my brother. We're both running through the center of the town, dashing past yelling people and crying babies, and past stalls holding food and other merchandise that have been flipped over onto their sides. I see a mass of people, driven by rage and confusion beat up one of the many loan sharks in the city of Charlestown, because now, when everyone was so panicked, they had their chance to get revenge. While running down an alley, wind ripping through my tattered cloths and air, I trip when some burly man shoved me out of his way. I fall, face first. The sharp gravel cutting into my hands and knees. My ankle... feels funny. James comes running back for me, and pulls me onto my feet.
     "Come on Alexander, we have to go! The hurricane is getting closer," he yells as he pulls me up onto my feet. I follow his running speed but then almost trip again as my ankle gives way. "Alex come on!" he turns back to see my predicament.
     "I can't run!" I cry, tears welling in my eyes. And then the rain picks up speed, thundering down on us, attacking us on all sides. "My ankle- James I can't." But he comes back. He comes back, and lets me throw an arm around his shoulder, and we go as fast as we can, with the wind almost throwing us up into the air. But it doesn't. Until it does.

I hurriedly grab onto a railing for a building beside me, feeling myself getting lifted off the ground. My brother is holding onto my hand, but his hand is sweaty and it's quickly slipping through my grasp. I hook myself more securely on the railing by locking my elbow around it. I then turn my head around to try and help James when I see it. A huge mass of gray, swirling wind and water coming towards us, uprooting trees, buildings, cars, and people. I blink several times, but the horrible vision won't clear from my head, so I focus on what I have. Right. I have James. I have to keep James alive.
"James, grab onto my legs!" I shout back at him, but the wind pulls the words from my mouth and whisks them up into the air, never to be heard again. I see him mouth something back, but I can't make it out. He slips again, I'm only holding onto his fingers now. Panic starts rising in my chest and I can feel some of the tears I've been holding back fall. And suddenly, James lets go. He just lets go. Slipping his hand from my grasp, he gets pulled into the hurricane, and I watch and he gets trashed around. But a moment later, a brick hits the side of my head and I get knocked out.

I can hear the splashing of the sea crashing down onto the shore, and I can feel the sand pressed against my face, but I don't open my eyes. It was all just a dream. I tell myself firmly. I'm going to wake up, with James by my side. I slowly open my eyes, which are half gummed together with sleep. I stare across the barren beach, and see litter all around it. Rain and saltwater alike splash down onto my face and I stare up into the storm clouds. He sacrificed himself for me. He knew he was to much for me to hold, so he let go and- and saved someone who doesn't deserve to live.

"Alex that's- thats horrible." John whispers, silent tears are falling down his face and into his lap. In the middle of my story, I reached out to him, because I knew I couldn't go through it alone, so now he's holding me, and I'm holding him, and I would feel almost peaceful if I didn't have to relive the worst moments in my life. But... somehow I feel deflated. Because I've told John my woes, he's carrying the sadness on his own shoulders and I know- I know I'm not alone.
"Thanks. Thanks for listening. I feel really better, I really do." I say, pulling back to look at his face a give him a watery smile, but he doesn't smile back.
"Alex I'm so sorry, no one should deserve to live through all of that." he mutters to me, looking down into his lap as if to show how ashamed he is.
"Well, what about you?" I ask, slipping onto the floor next to him. He looks up at me, still crying.
"What about me?" he questions,
"Well, the way Lafayette told it, you knew Lee before?" I say. John looks shocked, and then smiles. But it's not his real smile, the one that makes everyone in the room burst with joy.
"You really want to talk about Lee now? I- how about tomorrow. We've been sitting here for almost two hours, and I need sleep." John replies.
"Not me, sleep is for the weak!" I declare.
"On the contrary, sleep is for the strong," John says, and getting to his feet he pulls me up. "I think we've had enough tragic backstories for one day, lets go to bed."

And ten minutes later, after I've slipped into bed, and watch John's figure as he falls into a deep sleep, I think how good it is to have someone to confide in. A friend.