Crash Into Me | ✓

twenty-eight

"Hello? Earth to Nat! Are you even paying attention?"

Nikki's voice shook me from my daze. I shook my head and blinked a few times, letting my eyes adjust to the bright fluorescent lighting of the Free People store. A sweet lavender and vanilla scent wafted through the air, and it was enough to put me to a sleep that I desperately needed. I rubbed at my tired eyes, feeling my head sit heavy on my neck. The image of Brooklyn's plastic bag of little pills flashed in my mind every time I tried to close my eyes, and my stomach ached even thinking about it. It had me tossing and turning for the past few days, my head swimming like a small boat lost at sea.

"Do you like this or not?" Nikki waved a mustard yellow sundress in my face, embroidered with flowers.

"Um, no," I scrunched my nose in distaste. "I think that would look better on you."

Nikki frowned and tossed the dress back on a rack. "We're supposed to be shopping for you remember? You're the one who needs more cute clothes."

"I'm fine, I can just borrow your clothes," I scoffed as she shuffled through racks of more dresses, occasionally picking one up only to put it back on the rack.

"No, you need your own clothes, so you can look good for your boyfriend," Nikki said with a nonchalant shrug. She pursed her lips and waited for my response. After a moment of my silence, she groaned and shoved my arm.

"Come on, you've barely told me anything about what's going on with you and the tall guy," she prodded. It was like she saw right through me, as if I was made of glass and all of the bad was on full display for her.

I huffed in annoyance. "We had a nice time this weekend. He took me for tacos one night, and we ate dinner at his house with his parents. That's all."

I felt words I couldn't say well up in my throat, and they stung hard as they scratched against my insides. I wanted to tell Nikki that he took me to a secluded beach to watch the sunset, and that the way he held me set fire to my insides, and that he smiled at me with his gleaming white teeth like I was the only person in the room. Like I was the only person that even mattered.

But something so small - six little blue pills no bigger than my pinky nail - loomed large and dark over my head, like dark clouds about to unleash a hurricane.

"Natalie!" Nikki snapped again, causing me to drop the dress I had just picked off the rack. "What is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," I said as I picked up the dress with trembling hands. "I'm fine. Everything's fine."

I kept it all in, realized exposing the good also meant exposing the bad. It was better to just pretend none of it had happened at all. For both of our sakes.

"Fine," Nikki groaned. "I need you to focus. I refuse to leave this store with nothing."

"Okay, so then you get a dress," I quipped. "And I'll borrow it later."

After a beat, we laughed at each other. I finally studied the dress I had pulled from the rack. It was floor-length and had long sleeves, but almost the entire dress was a sheer nude, completely covered by intricate blue lace. It felt like almost nothing in my hands.

"Wow," Nikki chirped. "Okay, you have to get that. I think you'd give Brooklyn a heart attack in that dress. "

I bit down on my lip hard. I felt dizzy and was just about ready to unravel everything to Nikki in the middle of our shopping trip when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

BROOKLYN: Nat please talk to me.

BROOKLYN: I'm begging you.

BROOKLYN: I'll do anything.