Books, Boys, and Basketball: Junior Year

THERAPY SESSION

I tried calling Drew once I made it home, but he sent me to voicemail. I even tried texting him, but he wouldn't answer. Worried he got in trouble, caught by mall security, and taken to jail, I asked Patrice to ask Scott, but she didn't want to get in the middle of our drama.

It isn't until I see him make a post quoting Chris Brown, about hoes not being loyal, that I knew he was both talking about me and ignoring me at the same time. Then the panic set it.

The following week, I watch Drew like a hawk. He refuses to talk to me or respond to me, whether I'm standing in front of him, or not. He purposely turns away from me and talks to other people during class. And it's killing me.

My panic turns to desperation after the third day of being ignored. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and Drew has changed his status on Facebook from its complicated to single. I don't know where we stand. All I know is he's ignoring me, and it's tearing me apart inside. I know how much of a sexual being Drew is. If he's not getting it from me, then he's getting it from somewhere, and it's the not knowing that's killing me.

During one of my routine moments of stalking his Instagram, I come across a pic of him and Nicole all hugged up together at a party I knew nothing about. I wasn't invited because Drew didn't want me there, and whatever Drew wants, the universe bends over backward to give him.

With a week left before we're out for Thanksgiving break, I want to find out where we stand, but Drew's still not talking to me. And when I go by his house to talk to him, his parents won't let me in. Instead, I'm told he doesn't want to talk to me, and his dad shuts the door in my face.

I break completely, standing on the Taylors' porch and tearfully ask Mrs. Taylor to let him know I love him. Then I leave. There's nothing else I can do. I screwed up and these are the consequences. But losing Drew would crush me.

Two more days go by without a word from him, and even Grams' talks can't cure the void or the ache living in my heart. It's like my life became not worth living without him in it, and I don't know when that happened. But I've lost all hope.

I am ready to give up when I walk up to the house after a tutoring session with Skylar and find Drew sitting on my porch.

At first, I'm not sure if he's real or I'm imagining him, but he's wearing what he wore to school. Usually, in my imagination, he's not wearing any clothes at all. So, he's real. And my heart skips a beat at the sight of him.

Hooking my thumbs through the belt loops of my jeans, I walk over to him and sit down next to him.

We sit there in silence for what feels like an eternity before I finally break the ice.

"I miss you. If you were trying to prove a point, you've proved it. I messed up and I'm sorry," I quickly apologize, looking him in the eyes so he knows I meant it.

"I've probably watched that footage a hundred times now, and all I keep wondering is... why? I gave you what you said you wanted. We were exclusive. So, why would you then go behind my back and kiss Quincy? Why hide it from me?" He exhales slowly. "I mean, he didn't just kiss you, Sid. He had his hands all over you, and your legs... like, seriously... what the fuck? I thought this was what you wanted."

"This is what I want," I sulk. "I just. I was caught off guard and I didn't react the way I should've. I was stunned. He's never been that bold or aggressive with me before. And... I'm sorry. I am. I shouldn't have kept it from you, but I was scared. I didn't want to lose you."

Drew takes in another deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I believe you, but I don't trust you anymore, that's for damn sure. I gave you my heart and I feel like you just stuck a knife through it, which is the main reason I didn't want to be exclusive with you. You're the only girl who can hurt me like that, and I've been messed up for damn near two weeks over this. You betrayed me, Sid."