Books, Boys, and Basketball: Junior Year

SID-DREW

The three-hour ride I took to get to Quincy's family's home wasn't enough time for me to work through my issues. Once I found the hide-a-key Quincy told me about, I let my phone die so all the phone calls and texts would stop. I just want to be alone with my thoughts.

I pull the Range Rover I now know my donor daddy gave me into the garage and head straight for the beach, where I sit for hours staring out at the water. Sitting there with the cool mist from the ocean spraying against my face, curling my straightened hair while it blows in the wind, I lose myself in my thoughts.

Where did I go wrong?

Question after question swirls around in my head.

Am I a drama queen?

If so, does that mean I'm responsible for all the craziness that's happening in my life right now?

Was leaving the way I did and coming out here to be alone, to find some peace, exactly what Drew and his friends are talking about when they said I'm being dramatic? And how much does my current mood have to do with my broken heart?

I mull over each question, one at a time. Then I compartmentalize them and lock them away.

I have bigger issues to think about...

My mom lied to me because she didn't want my dad to know she'd been unfaithful. She loves my dad. Or at least I think she does. But she's pregnant with someone else's child, which is an argument against that fact. And she's stillcheating on him.

Whatever her reasons are for not telling me, I already know I'll end up forgiving her for it. It's who I am. I've never been good at holding grudges, and even when I try, they never last long. It's why I can never stay mad at Drew for too long, but I worry sometimes that he'll take it as a weakness and walk all over me. But I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore, do I?

I'm going through some real stuff and I'm hurt that rather than be here for me, Drew has turned his back on me.

But enough about him...

My thoughts shift to uncle Jonathon, otherwise known as my sperm donor. He's so eager to get to know me, and I almost want to run in the opposite direction. I don't blame him, though. The fault falls squarely on my mom's shoulders. She denied him his chance to get to know me growing up. I shouldn't punish him further by ignoring him and hiding from the truth. But I don't know how I feel about getting to know another dad. Part of me feels like it's a betrayal to the dad I've always known and will only add insult to the injury of betrayal he's already experienced with my mom.

I swear my life is a constant soap opera or a Jerry Springer-Maury Povich episode...

Drew is right about one thing. I am surrounded by drama. I didn't ask for it, but it found me anyway.

Heartache threatens to overtake my emotions, so I pushed all thoughts of Drew to the back of my head. I'm not ready to tackle that mountain just yet. I don't even know if there is a way to tackle those emotions without bawling my eyes out.

Shifting my focus to Grams, I'm grateful that she took me in when she did. But part of me now wonders if this is why she did it. Was it really out of the kindness of her heart, or was she secretly hoping to reunite me with my bio-dad? I don't fault her for wanting to help her son, I just feel betrayed she didn't let me in on it.

I feel like a fool.

She's the only person until now who hadn't lied to me or mistreated me. I mean, Grams has her reasons, I just wish they weren't at my expense.