Falling Hard (Dean x Reader) / On Hiatus

Chapter 6

Previously:

You prepare yourself for hours of guessing, but as soon as your finger hits the screen, you automatically know what numbers to press. It is like an instinct. A reflex. And you like it. Soon the phone is open, and coincidentally, the home screen is the same picture Dean had in his drawer. The background triggers you to tap on the photos app first, wanting to know what other photos you had taken. You want background. You want to find out more about your past self. You are immensely disappointed when you only see two pictures. One of them being the 2017 beach photo. In fact, you had seen it so many times, you have it memorized. You tap on the other picture beside it, and it enlarges to fit the screen. It is a picture of you, holding some sort of knife. You were smiling widely and as you enlarged the photo even further, you could see some sort of engraving on the handle. You try to zoom in but it won't let you. You sigh and look closer. Dean was in the background, holding something. And suddenly, you have a memory.

You look up from the gift, eyes wide. 

"D-dean you gave me an engraved knife?" You are surprised. He just smiles and nods, and tears form in your eyes. You spring up to give him a big hug. 

"Happy birthday, y/n." he says, and you smile. He pulls you in for a kiss, and you willingly fall into his arms. You kiss, and when you pull away, you rest your forehead on his.

"I love you, D." you say, and he smiles.

"I love you too y/n."

You look up in shock at what you just remember. I-I... h-he... WHAT!?!?! You just stand there, blinking profusely, trying to process everything. And then you remember. Oh shit, I'm gonna forget this. I better write this down. You pull out a pen and pad and start writing. 'It's my birthday and D gives me engraved knife.' You are trying to summarize everything to make sure you remember everything before you forget. It's real strange, but it's true. Now, back to writing. You look up in thought for a moment, then return to your pad. 'He says happy birthday and then'  You stop yourself, thinking. What happened after? You try to replay the memory, hoping it'll trigger off the rest. Nothing happens. Your memory is just a blank space after that. Shit, what happens after? You think, and think, and think. But nothing comes to you. Did he say something else, or did something happen, or... You are once again doubting yourself, and tears are filling in your eyes. Why am I so useless, why am I- 

"AAAAAAAAAARRRGH!" You just feel like screaming, so you scream. I'm tired of being so helpless! WHY WON'T ANYTHING WORK MY WAY!?!? You are furious at yourself, at life. You rage for a few minutes, throwing things and slamming drawers, stomping everywhere. However, all is silent in the bunker when you hear the door to your room open. Or rather, you don't really hear it, but you see it. You freeze mid-motion, in the middle of kicking your bed. You look up to the concerned face of Dean. You are still breathing heavily, and you tuck the extra strands of hair behind your ear. You take the moment to look at the damage you caused. There were books everywhere, some smashed vases and containers. Some shelves knocked over, and pillows thrown everywhere. You gasp at the sight, then look down at yourself. You have stains everywhere and some rips in your clothes. Your hands are scraped and bloody, and you are pretty sure that it is blood that is dribbling down your chin. You let out a shaky breath, on the verge of tears.

"Y-y/n?" Dean asks, almost seeming scared of you. You collapse in the middle of the room, putting your palms over your mouth, and the tears stream down your face.

"I-I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen, I just-" you say, panicking, getting faster with every word. Dean shushes you and comes to crouch beside you. You are shaking with tears, scared of yourself. What did I just do?  You close your eyes painfully, letting more tears fall. Dean is rubbing your back, but you just keep mumbling 'What have I done' and 'I never meant to'

"What happened?" he asks, and you slowly lift your head to look at him, your face a wreck. 

"I-I had this wonderful memory and I found some pictures and I was trying to write it down and-" You start speeding up again, still shocked, and honestly worried about yourself. Am I really just some uncontrollable monster? 

"Hold it, y/n, slow down!" he says, cutting you off and laughing. 

"I found this picture in your room and I found this phone in my room and I had a memory, and I just... forgot it. I mean I wrote some of it down, but..." you trail off, and show him the paper. Even though there was damage because it was in the way of your raging, it was still intact. He reads it, then laughs. You want to ask, but just pout. You can tell he sees your unfinished sentence when his expression changes. Dean looks up at you with sympathy. He pulls you in for a hug, and pauses. 

"Uhh, what's this picture you found in my room? And what phone?" You pause, and then stand up. Dean stares up at you as you sort through the mess that is your room. You find the phone and hand it to him. He clicks the power button, but it doesn't turn on. Shit, did I break the phone? You are ashamed as he looks at you in question. Well, better find that photo. So at least I have something to show him as proof. You get up as he examines the phone. You are shifting a pile of broken ceramic and glass and you finally find the picture. You gasp and suddenly feel so bad. Dean notices and comes to look over your shoulder. There the picture is, on the ground. You can still see your smiling faces. You have nothing to smile about. Especially since you two were smiling through cracked shards of glass.