Her Lie I Tried To Believe

'Eloping'

Chapter 9

It took us another day and a half to arrive at our destination. So three days all in all. Since it was on a Friday night that we've... 'eloped' like Cassandra loved so much to say... we were now obviously, Monday... late in the evening. The moment that we entered to core of the city, she became ecstatic. At every street corner she would be like, "ohh" or "look, look, look... it's so beautiful," or again, "I wanna go there! Let's go there alright?!" And every time, I would just keep my eyes on the road, half listening to her. And when I feel like she's pestering me too much I would simply say something like: "We need to find a place to crash first. Be patient, alright?" She was so excited about trivial things that I started wondering what kind of life she has led up until then. She was a prostitute, right? Then why do I feel so much like I'm with a kid somehow? Was it really a good thing to bring her with me? To bring her to such a place? One thing we didn't have to worry about though was our budget. I had lots of economy from my old part-time job as well as my current one. Well, 'current' might not be the case anymore but whatever. Since I lived my life up until then pretty much modestly 9or more like pathetically), I had more than enough for the both of us for quite a respectable amount of time. Obviously, the first place we decided to hit was the mandatory casino. I mean, that's pretty much all there is to see here so... We've drunk a lot. And when I mean a lot, I mean we didn't as much as think of ever stopping throughout the night. She looked at everything with eyes full of curiosity. The old people on their slot-machines would be very intriguing to her. She could gaze at them for thirty minutes without end. And when I asked her if she wanted to try, she looked at me with a smile and said: "They look so pathetic it's almost pitiful. But when you think about it, aren't we the same? We pass our lives routinely doing the same emotionless movements, forgetting even about the meaning behind it. I wonder, if there's a god, wouldn't he look at us with the same pity?" I walked closer to her, put my hand on her head, and looked at her silently. I wanted to somehow comfort her. But no word came to mind. That's when she continued. "As long as we're together, let's not do this alright? I want this to be special. Us. You don't need to force yourself. You don't need to force yourself. You don't need to love me. But at least make sure we never forget alright? Never forget the reason we're here right now." She's never had a tone that's both serious and light-hearted. "... Alright... Never. I promise" I took her by the hand, and led her throughout this maze of bright and colorful machines. But was it a good thing to ascertain her wish? I mean, not forgetting the reason why we're here would mean we would always have a fear of being found... always running. Or maybe that's what she wanted. She would also look at me with great interest when playing blackjack. She didn't know the rules, but the moment I explained it to her, she would try and help me sometimes. And she was smart. Oh, for that she was. To think that she has become so... innocent. Or maybe she always has been. But the way I imagined her at the time, I thought she was a strong-willed woman that could do anything if she put her mind to it. But I couldn't have been more wrong. She was fragile, delicate and pure. Any man would have been better for her... any man. Yet, she was unlucky enough to choose me out of all of them. The moment we started to become really wasted was the moment everything started to slowly crumble. I had to go to the restroom because of the alcohol... obviously. And the instant I got out of it, I saw her speaking with another man. Well, okay... she wasn't speaking to him more than he was trying to hit on her. But whatever... Her eyes were different than when she's with me. She had a stern expression. Cold as ice. It was obvious she was trying to get rid of him. But he seemed persistent. I came up to them, and asked her if she knew him. He looked at me with that expression... as if what he did was the most natural thing in the world. "What did he ask of you?" I asked her plainly. She turned her face away and muttered 'nothing' under her breath. I shouted, not minding the people around us. Obviously, most of them did turn around by my sudden outburst. She didn't want to answer, but knowing me she finally looked up and said: "... He asked how much it was for the night..." I looked at the man as my eyes glazed over with anger. "... You just treated her as a prostitute?" He repeatedly apologized, all I heard was his incessant whining. "Leave," I said emotionlessly. And without waiting, I repeated the order again, "I said leave." He replied to me, "okay, okay... no need to be so cold, geez. You're meant to be together you two." I clenched my jaw, along with my fist and spoke quietly enough for the two of them to hear me. "I wasn't talking to you. Cass, leave. Wait for me outside with I deal with this idiot." The man became visibly agitated the moment he understood my words. "No, no, no! Tim, come with me! I don't wanna be alone... I don't care how he treated me. Just come, alright...? Let's stay together..." I took a stance, no longer minding her presence next to me. She started hugging me from behind, probably by fear of me jumping on the guy. "What are you doing!? Stop you idio--!!" But before I could finish my sentence I was hit in the face by the man in front of me. He probably took her action as an opportunity to catch me off guard. I almost lost my balance, but was somehow able to keep my ground. If I stumbled right now, I would fall on her. A second hit came, and I had no other choice but to take it yet again. I fell on a knee. At that moment, she finally understood what was happening as she decided to protect me from up front instead. "Leave him alone! Don't you see he's not in any position to fight!!" The guy did stop by her words. But he did say something along the line of 'next time know who you're dealing with punk' before leaving as though he just conquered the world. I stayed close to the ground for some time while she kept on hugging me, I sensed rage welling up inside of me. And the only thing she thought to say was: "I'm sorry, baby... I'm so sorry..." Her useless apologies only fueled my anger. I got up from the ground without looking at her, and started walking toward the nearest bar. I wanted to be alone. I knew what would happen if she kept following me, but sure enough, there was nowhere for her to go. I drank a couple of shots on my own. She was sitting next to me, but I ignored her. She didn't ask for a drink herself, nor did she start a conversation. But she kept on looking at me. I was the center of her whole world. That's how I felt at that very moment. After that, I went outside dejectedly. I was so drunk, I don't even know how I was able to walk so straight (that is, if I was really walking straight to begin with). It was nighttime. Maybe two or three in the morning. She was shivering somehow. She repeated she was 'cold' multiple times over. I didn't really understand how it was possible since it was relatively hot at that moment. I lit a cigarette, and simply looked at one point in space with thinking much of anything. Until... "Hold me... Please? I'm cold." She wanted me to hold her, ridiculously enough. She's being annoying. "Get lost..." She didn't change gear even though I was so frigid toward her. She never did, but tonight it was even more than that. She outright showed her dependence on me. She approached me nonetheless. The moment her hands touched me, I pushed her hard to the ground. She fell on her butt, her face slightly contorting in pain. Others were looking at me. It seems like I was the bad guy tonight. I couldn't care less. I didn't feel anything. I looked at her emotionlessly. She staggered back to her feet. And when she did, she kept her smile on her face, only looking at me. She walked again toward me and said: "Again." She wanted to be pushed again. What the fuck was her problem? Well, not that I really minded... When she touched me again, I pushed her in the same fashion I did before. She again stumbled on the ground, got back on her feet and walked up to me. I started laughing. How the fuck was she so stupid? Doesn't she understand how mad I am right now? Do I even understand it myself!? I pushed her. On the ground she was laughing, like me I guess. But this time, she had a harder time getting back up. People were eyeing us as though we were not part of their world. Another species entirely. "You're such an airhead sometimes." My anger had totally dissipated thanks to her stupid act. I helped her back to her feet and we entered the casino anew. She was happy. She had locked arms with me, and she was holding me so tight I had no other choice but to leave her to her own devices. We walked past a multitude of tables, all of which had different ways of carelessly losing your money. She took notice of one in particular. "I wanna try this one! Give me twenty..." I gave it to her happily, somewhat intrigued by her sudden desire to play a game. Since we've got here, she was always simply looking my way. Happy to see me gamble with no interested in participating herself. She puts the chips the croupier gave to her on the number 0. Realizing what she did, I had to confirm if she knew what she was doing. "W-Wait, you do know how it works, right?" She nodded quickly without taking her eyes off the table. The roulette started turning and turning... and soon enough the little ball slowed down to stop inside of one slot in particular. And, sure enough, it was the number she had chosen. How is this fucking possible? ...Yeah, I know. Less than 3 percent is still more than zero. Still...

She had won a little bit more than 700 dollars. She wanted to give it to me, but I didn't accept it. Even if she didn't necessarily work for it, it feels as though she used a lot of her unused 'luck' to win it. She bought us two bottles of wine, and we finished the night at our hotel. She was on top of me. She looked at me with those passionate eyes of hers. She had a letter opener in her hands. It was lying around on the bedside table I think. The moment she noticed it, she took it hastily as though she just had a great idea. She then said: "I want to write my name on your body with this. Can I...?" I said: "Sure." Carelessly, without ever breaking eye contact with her. I looked at her every movement with great interest. She applied pressure on my stomach with the edge of the thing, but it didn't do much good. Her name was there alright, but it would disappear in less than five minutes. She was too soft. Still, she was satisfied with the result. I wasn't. She looked at my stomach, contemplatively. I took that opportunity to grab the hand with which she held the letter opener, and pushed it hard on my stomach. Realizing what I was doing, she looked at me with a panicked look. "... This is how you do it. If you want to appropriate me, do it properly." She quietly said, "A-Appropriate you...?" I didn't reply to her. My eyes were enough to convey my thoughts. Her face continued to contort in sadness. "I, I don't wanna hurt you..." Getting slightly annoyed at her words, I slowly sat up. "If you don't wanna, then get off of me." She cried. Right then, she cried... but while doing so, she started carving her name on my body thoroughly. Because those weren't tears of sorrow. She was genuinely happy.