Whirlwind

(35) unwanted gifts

JASPER

***

Today is my birthday. And Libby has absolutely no fucking idea.

I wake up wrapped in her, which is the best present I could have received, but I feel guilty about not telling her I'm turning twenty two today. I know she hates her birthday, and after arguing over me taking her out for dinner, she did finally give in. It did cross my mind that even though she doesn't like her own birthday, maybe she'll be excited about celebrating mine.

I don't have class until two today, so I stay in bed whilst Libby leaves for her classes. She leaves a cup of coffee on the bedside table for me before kissing me, but I never drink it because I fall asleep, but I love that she's spoiling me.

***

I'm late. So I dash out the door, pulling a shirt over my head as I sprint to my truck. I usually walk but I'll miss class if I do that.

I fell asleep for too long and now I'm fucking late again for class. I'm taking all Literature classes this semester, and the particular class I'm late for is British Classical Literature. We have to read Gaskell, Austen, all the Brontes, Elliot and Mrs Radcliffe, and it's genuinely one of the most interesting classes I've ever taken.

I've loved books and reading since I was a kid, but this is a class I'm enjoying because it's reminding me of that. Benny always used to mock me when he found me sitting outside on our porch with a book, but I've grown to enjoy the afternoons Libby and I spend reading in the apartment. We sit at opposite ends of our bed, her curled up at the end making notes and me stretched out with my head resting against the wall.

"You're late Mr Calhoun. Again." Dr Scott reprimands me in front of the whole class as I try to sneak in and sit in the back row.

"Sorry. Working." I mutter a lied excuse and take out my tattered copy of Elizabeth Gaskell's North and South.

We'd been working on how first impressions can be wrong when meeting a person. In Gaskell's case, she uses her protagonist's first impression of John Thornton being harsh and cruel when she sees him beating a factory worker. But then grows to love him. First impressions are wrong all over the place, and that's what I like about this class. Dr Scott is forcing us to think. Last week we'd had to write an essay about first impressions, and I found the words flowing freely out of me at the memory of first impressions of Benny, Libby and even Ziggy. I don't know if we were supposed to relate it back to ourselves, but I found myself telling those particular stories angway.

I could see the pile of class books on Dr Scott's desk, and I was genuinely concerned for my grade. I needed to do well in all my classes this semester to graduate this year, otherwise I'd fail, and I hadn't told Libby that either. But as the class continued, he started talking about first impressions and what they mean to us. And that's when I realise I think I might be the only one in the class that had got the point of the exercise.

I'm a walking contradiction of a first impression. I come off as harsh and rude, sure, but I don't mean to be. And then no one wants to fucking try with someone who's belligerent and deliberately obtuse like I am. I'd got used to using it as a defence mechanism, and I'd grown to rely on it, sometimes a little too much. Libby had been the only one willing to try and jump over my walls. And now that she's inside them, she's made me into a better, stronger person. And that's more than anyone else has ever done.

"Jasper?" I hear Dr Scott call from the front of the classroom.

"Hmm?" I look up from my book and everyone is staring at me.