Scratch that. I loved Josh. Well, maybe I didn't exaclty "love" him but I loved the idea of love and I wanted him to be mine but screw that. I messed everything up.
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It had been about a week or two since I messed up and Kendall was over spending the night. We decided to go out for a run outside so we grabbed our headphones and put on tshirts and Nike pros and went outside and began running. Instead of running the whole continte time we walked a little too. Every time we walked we had small converstation. Well, somehow, for some odd reason Josh came up. Kendall could read me just like a book. She could see I still had feelings for him. It wasn't hard to tell. Instead of her going crazy and being upset with me she was there for me. She talked to me and told me the right thing to do was tell him. So of course I did, I was never shy when I told a guy I liked him. I continued running waiting for an answer and soon enough, I did but it wasn't exaclty what I wanted to read. Tears started to appear in my eyes and trickle down my face as I was running. I didn't know what to say back and I just wanted to run inside and bawl, but I couldn't let Kendall see me like this. I ran faster trying to get my tears to go away and to get him off my mind. I stopped at the end of the road to wait on Kendall and she could she it written all over my face. I sat in the grass and started reading the message over again, it said: Maddie I don't think I can give you another chance. You pushed me away after I told you how much I liked you and I don't want that to happen again." I showed Kendall the message and she seemed very mad at Josh. She kept going on and on about how thats rude of him if he just liked me a couple of days ago. My eyes started filling up again as I started to reply. I didn't know what to say to him but I told him that I understood and I hoped we could date in the future. He said he hoped we could too and then I changed the subject trying to prove he wasn't hurting me, even though he was. I changed the subject by bringing up who could run faster (definalty him but I keep telling him I can). I told him I was going to race him next time I saw him and I was going to win, which even though I knew I wouldn't be able too I acted like I had confidence that I could. We continued to text the rest of the night not bringing up anything to do with our relationship. The whole time I was texting him I had no clue he was texting Kendall. Supposply she kept telling him he needed to date me and he told her he was considering it. Which of course after they talked for a while Josh did something very unexceptdly. He asked me out. I didn't know what to say. My mind went blank. I thought he just said he didn't like me anymore really. Now he wanted to date? I was too afriad he was going to use me, which I wasn't going to let happen but of course knowing me I answered his question with a yes. I was dating Josh now. Me, Maddie Ziegler who had felt something for him for a long time was actually dating him now. This was great but I was afriad I brought myself into something I didn't need too.
