Adulting in the Spotlight

How to Live Two Lives

Isaac realized he was stupid. 

His whole life he thought he was loveless.

Of course, that wasn't the case, Parker made that obvious.

Unfortunately, what Isaac was realizing, was that Parker was not the first. 

A lot of people realize they're gay when they are very little.  A young girl realizes she wants to spend her life with her best friend, a young boy realizes how beautiful his classmate is.  Unfortunately for Isaac and many others, some people just don't.  He went back in his head to his childhood and realized so much more than he anticipated finding.

"What's this?"  His mother asked a young Isaac as he walked inside after school.

"I drew it!"

"Who's the bride?" His mother pointed at the drawing.  It was a child's crayon drawing of a man and a woman together.  Isaac had been proud of his picture, but noticed his mother's tone of voice change.  He had not quite figured out what that meant so he answered.

"Derrick.  I like him the most out of all my friends and that's who you are supposed to marry," Isaac responded with a smile.  His mother smiled sadly and bent down to his level.

"Sweetie, you can't marry Derrick.  You are both boys and you can only marry girls.  Not to mention you and Jae-Eun will get married one day,"

"But I don't like Jae-Eun.  She doesn't know how to talk and cries too much,"  He stomped his feet.

"Well, that will change.  Even if you don't marry Jae, you will not be allowed to marry Derrick.  You can't marry another boy.  Got it.  It's a sin and God hates sins,"

"Does God hate me?"

"No sweetie, God doesn't hate anyone.  He hates the sin not the sinner,"  She concluded and walked into the kitchen with the picture.  She dropped it into the trash bin.  Isaac was confused. He was a child.

He remembered Terrance.  Terrance was nice. He had been at a private school before, but his family lost a lot of money so he went to public school.  It was seventh grade and Terrance was beautiful.  Tall and strong and kind. 

"Isaac!  Do you want to come to my birthday party?"  He asked turning around in his seat.  Isaac smiled and nodded.

"Great!  I'm so glad.  I've never had a friend like you before.  Something about being around him made Isaac happy.

"I'm so glad you and Terrance are friends.  Isn't it nice to have a best friend,"  His mother asked.  Isaac nodded.

"I've never had a best friend before,"  he replied happily. Soon after that they got into a fight about the dishes or his room or something like that.  He was in middle school after all and they can only be nice for an hour.

Terrance told Isaac he liked him the night of his birthday.  Isaac was confused and told him he can't do that because it was a sin.  They stopped speaking to each other and Terrance did not come back the following year.  Isaac spent a lot of his life shutting down friendships he found awkward or unnatural and began to realize that he wasn't quite sure why he was friend with people in the first place.  All he really needed was Jae-Eun and she was so nice.  

Jae was perfectly fine with Isaac having no friends until Ella.  Ella was the nicest person either Jae-Eun or Isaac had ever met and Jae was scared she was going to tempt Isaac away from her.  When Jae was seventeen, she and Ella had gotten drunk in Ella's shed.  Neither of them could legally drink and Ella could not hold her liquor.