CONT.
Hindi ko na lamang pinansin 'yun at pinagpatuloy ko na lamang ang ginagawa ko sa loob ng cubicle. Hinilot ko ang sentido ko ganu'n rin ang noo ko. I'm not good at pretending. I want to show my real emotion, but damn it! I can't. I washed my face and put a make up again. After that lumabas na ako ng banyo habang nagtitipa ako sa selpon ko, tinext ko si Jasmin kung ayos ba 'yung pinagawa ko, and she said na naayos na daw. Sampung armado 'yung napatay nila at may iilan pa na mas malakas pa rito.
I sigh deeply again and place my cellphone inside of my pocket. Humarap ako sa hall at ganu'n parin ang pwesto nila, they busy minding their own business so this is my chance. I walked while wandering around, I need to see my daughter. Umakyat ako sa mataas na hagdan ngunit may narinig akong yapak kayat nag tago ako sa isang sulok.
"What?! Sino ang may pakana nito?" the other man ask. They kept talking while walking.
"We dont know. Parang galing sila sa isang malakas na organisation."
"Take them down as soon as possible! Huwag nyong hintayin na makarating ito sa boss natin."
Nang malayo na sila sa'kin. Sinamantala ko na ang pag tingin-tingin sa mga kwarto na andito. Una kong binuksan ang pulang pintuan, bumungad sa'kin ang pabangong panlalaki at napaka familiar pa nito sa ilong ko. Shet! Is this Dash room? Fvck! Imposible na andito ang anak ko. Binuksan kong muli 'yung pintuan pero may nasangga akong baso sa kabinet kayat nag sanhi ito nang ingay kasabay nito ang mga iilan na yapak na narinig ko.
"Anong nangyayari di..."boses iyon ng isang lalaki na may dalang baril. Hindi nya ako napansin dahil nag tago ako sa likod ng pintuan. Maya-maya pa ay nakaramdam ako nang panlalamig sa katawan, may mabigat na yapak akong narinig. Papunta ito sa direksyon namin.
"Uhm..."
"Get out now. I can handle this alone." that fvcking voice. It must be him right? Damn it! Damn it! How about my plan? Mabibiso ako ng maaga nito.
"Sir, baka may magnanakaw lang pong nakapasok rito. I che-check namin ang kabilang mga kwarto." Magnanakaw? Seriously?
"I don't think so, but sure you can check any rooms here but except for my daughter's room and also to my wife's room. I will go to my wife's room later and after that? We will discuss some matters related to the black organization."
Tila nag igting ang aking panga sa narinig. So isa dito sa mga kwarto ang anak ko at about sa kwarto ng asawa niya wala akong pakialam, and black organizations? That's our clan! How did he know? Fvck you, Dash. I need to call them, baka nahuli na sila. Oh god no please.
"I know you're there and listening. Are you going to send them a warning now because you heard everything?"
Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagsimula nang manlamig ang mga paa ko. I thought that I was strong enough and ready to face him but what happened to me? Why am I feeling so empty and scared right now? Hes different now. That's how people changed.
"What are you doing here anyway? Trying to steal Raine from me?"
"Shes my daughter after all! Yes I'm going to steal her because I am her mother!" Lumabas na ako nang pintuan at hinarap ko s'ya. Nakaupo s'ya sa kama at naka suot ito nang PAMBAHAY? Hindi ba't engagement party nila? What is he doing here? I mean anong klaseng groom s'ya kung ganu'n?
"You lied to me, Carmela!"
"How about you? Hindi kaba nag-sinungaling? Gusto mong isumbat ko rin sa'yo ang lahat nang kasinungalingang ginawa mo sa'kin? Do I need to explain and tell those fvck words for you?"
"Yes, I lied at hindi ko sinabi sa'yo ang nakaraan mo. You died and my fvck eyes saw it! 'Yung mga oras na nasagasaan ka, I want to kill myself too! Hindi ko alam bakit ko napagplanuhan na patayin ka! Wala akong intesion na ganu'n! My mind telling me something, Carmela. Your mom killed my brother and I killed your mother too."
Nag kagat labi ako para pigilan ang luhang dumaloy galing sa mata ko. How dare him! How dare him! Mabilis kong kinuha ang baril sa paa ko at tinutok iyon sa kanya pero wala man lang syang naging reaction. Nakatingin lang s'ya sa'kin, tila walang pakialam kung mamatay man s'ya ngayon or bukas.
"Hindi mo alam kung gaano kasakit na mawalan ng ina! You're so lucky dahil kompleto ang pamilya mo! How about me, Dash? Brother ko lang 'yung meron ako! At mga anak ko! But Deo left me! And now you steal my daughter away from me! Why are you doing this to me, Dash? Hindi ba ako deserving na maging masaya sa mundong 'to?!"
Nanginginig na ang buo kong katawan at panay ang hagulgol ko sa harapan ni Dash. Ang sakit sakit parin pala. Feeling ko hindi talaga deserving ang second life na 'to sakin. Can I kill myself now?
"I'm sorry for not telling the truth. Kill me now kung 'yan ang gusto mo at kung 'yan din ang magpapatawad sa'kin. I'm sorry for the trouble that I caused to you. I know you're hurting. Hanggang ngayon wala paring akong maintindihan kung bakit may anak ako sa'yo, but you know what? I'm happy as fvck! When I heard na may anak ako at sa'yo pa nanggaling. I was such a jerk because I hurt you. Can you pass the pain you're feeling right now to me? I want to feel it too. You're hurting too much and I dont want that. I killed your mother kasi hindi ko matanggap na nawala kana. Mahal na kita noon pa, Carmela, but my revenge manipulating me that's why. I hurt people. I killed people. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Kill me now if that's what you want. But remember this, Carmela? Minahal na kita simula nang iniwan mo kong nag-iisa at walang kaalam-alam sa mundo. I spent months in jail and waited for you. When I saw you at the Costa street holding a kid? My heart beats fast and can't imagined that you are finally here. I was so stupid and jerk back then, I'm sorry. Please forgive me..."
Tila mas lalo akong nasaktan nang makita kong may butil na luhang tumulo sa kanyang magagandang mata. Hindi ko maiwasan na aalahanin si Deo, kamukhang-kamukha niya si Dash. May sariling galaw 'yung kamay ko at bigla na lang itong dumampi sa pisnge niya at pinunasan ang kanyang luha.
There's always one person no matter what they have done to you. You can't just let them go.
"Pain is a gift, instead avoiding it. You need to face it and learn to embrace it. Without pain there's no growth."
