come home ; ym | tk | nj

15.

Song of the chapter:
First Love by BTS

~

It's a Wednesday, a few days after Yoongi had dinner with the Parks – not that he would know. About the date, that is. He isn't sure when it started, but he has lost any proper sense of time. Not that it would bother him, he doesn't care enough about most things happening to let it bother him.

It's been raining a lot for the past few days, again today for the most part of the day, but about an hour ago it stopped, and the sky clears up in some parts, enough to let the sun show. Yoongi sits by one of the few windows in his apartment, letting the last few sunrays of today warm his pale skin. He wished he could enjoy it properly, but something else is taking up all of his attention.
The photography in his hands. Yoongi has stopped counting how often he has traced his fingers over Jimin's beautiful figure, how desperately he wants to have him in front of him, how badly he would like to touch him and talk to him and save him, it hurts so bad, and when does it ever stop?
The longer Yoongi stares, the more it seems to him that Jimin's smile is mocking him, as if to tell him Look! You had me so many times, you could have made me yours, but you didn't! And now, I'm so far away, I'm unreachable yet I'm right here in your hands, and you can't do anything to get me back! Haha!
Yoongi looks up from the photo and out the window. If he listens closely, he can hear the city, loud as always. The honking of the cars, the sound of their wheels against the street, other, unidentifiable sounds; white noise. People walk on the streets, not many as the core of the city is somewhere else and rarely anyone ever comes here if they don't live here. And somewhere, far away, he can here someone screaming for help, Save me, Yoongi!, and for a moment, he believes it...

The bell rings. Yoongi flinches. For a few moments, he isn't sure if he has just imagined the sound, but then it rings again, so he relents and walks over to the door to open.
It's Hoseok; Yoongi shouldn't be surprised, but he is. There used to be a time, not too long ago, maybe a few weeks, though it feels like an eternity now, where Hoseok would come over all the time, and they would hang out and it was normal. Hoseok is his best friend, still, after such a long time. Now, Yoongi doesn't even remember the last time they talked. Really talked.

"Hyung! I was scared you weren't going to open!" Hoseok smiles at him when he finally reaches Yoongi's apartment. Yoongi lets him in without a word and closes the door behind him. He watches him take his shoes off.
"What day is today?" he asks. Hoseok glances at him in confusion.
"What?"
"The... the day." Yoongi feels stupid. What kind of question is that? What day is it, well, Yoongi, have you not looked at your phone over the past few days? Have you not taken a glance at the calendar hanging next to your fridge? Apparently not.

Hoseok doesn't say any of these things. He seems conflicted for a few moments, but then, he smiles carefully.
"Wednesday," he says, "Why?"
So, Yoongi hasn't missed another of their movie nights. Good.
"Just... wondering," Yoongi says, "I'm not really up to date... quite literally."
He walks over to his couch and sits down there. Hoseok goes to the kitchen area and gets himself a glass of water before joining Yoongi, who has turned on the TV – he doesn't want to watch anything and he is sure Hoseok doesn't either, but it's calming to have the sound of a stupid sitcom going in the background, just in case an uncomfortable silence comes up.

"Someone from university approached me today and asked about you," Hoseok says after a while. Yoongi, staring at the TV without watching, hums.
"Sohyun. Do you know her?"
Yoongi doesn't have to think for long. Of course, he knows her, she is a friend; and even more present is the memory of the morning a few weeks ago, September 1st, the day he met Jimin again but woke up in Sohyun's bed. He hums again and nods.
"What did she want?" he asks.
"She was wondering how you are doing," Hoseok replies. Yoongi furrows his brows, ready to ask more questions, but Hoseok doesn't let him.
"You haven't been attending any classes recently," he says, turning to Yoongi to give him his full attention. Yoongi continues staring at the TV.
"You know the university won't run after you to make sure you know enough to pass your exams," Hoseok continues, "They don't care about that. It's none of their business. It's yours."
Yoongi nibbles on his bottom lip. What Hoseok is saying is plausible, and he knows very well that it's true. However, there is nothing Yoongi could say to defend himself.