12 REASONS WHY | LOONA

𝙙𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮 𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩

It was already past Christmas and the weather seemed to be getting worse. A thick, white, and fluffy blanket of snow covered every corner and inch of town. Everyone was inside, sitting by the fireplace and having hot beverages with family and friends.

Christmas was a perfect time to be alive; there was no school or work. You could eat everything without worrying about fitting in your uniform or suit, you could relax and spend time with your loved ones as you exchanged gifts.

However, Jiwoo felt tired. Sitting in the large dinning room of Haseul's big home with the rest of her friends, cracking jokes and laughing, the red head felt extremely worn out. Jiwoo was blessed to have so many friends, she always reminded herself to be grateful of them, though deep down, the girl couldn't help but to let her sadness and bitterness take over. That lead to her being distant at times, but as the happy pill of the group she had to pretend everything was fine. Jiwoo had to pretend everything going on in her life didn't take a toll on her.

She had to pretend.

Jiwoo has been pretending to be happy for a lot of years. It started off as a coping mechanism to the pain-her giggles, smiles and hugs-that later turned into an unhealthy habit. She was so used to it, it came out naturally.

"Jiwoo-yah," Jungeun called out when she spotted the red head playing with her food and zoning out, making her drop the spoon in her hand and look at the woman across of her with wide eyes "You good?"

The red head was supposed to have finished the soup served by Heejin a while ago, seeing as everyone had already moved to dessert.

"Tired," Jiwoo shrugged, eyes moving from Jungeun to Sooyoung and later at Haseul. The younger's gaze lingered at the short haired female for a while before she excused herself to the bathroom "I'll be right back. You guys go ahead and finish the meal without me."

"Don't be late!" Jinsoul spoke up, taking a bite off of the dessert Vivi made.

"Yeah, we're doing that secret Santa thing." Yeojin said in a loud voice, thumping her small feet on the marble floor with excitement.

It was a tradition, every year just a few days after Christmas all girls would exchange gifts through the game of Secret Santa. This year Jiwoo had to buy a gift for Sooyoung, very ironic. It could've been more convienient if she bought a gift when they were together, yet the only year she was 'lucky' enough was this one, the year their relationship wasn't at it's best as they had their biggest fight.

"I won't," the red head replied, flashing a smile to her friends before she headed for the restroom "Thank you."

"For what?" Hyunjin asked furrowing her eyebrows and throwing a questioning glance at the girl next to her, Heejin.

Jiwoo moved to the bathroom. She closed the door and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Jiwoo used to love looking at herself in the mirror, she used to admire her looks. That happened years ago though, she had stopped loving herself a very long time ago. It was fine, she told herself, besides she wouldn't have to live with it for long.

Everything was set, she was ready. Jiwoo had been postponing this moment until this very night, December twenty eight. Today was the day of her redemption from all bads, of all weights and nightamers. Tonight, Jiwoo was putting an end on her struggles. It was about time she did something for herself.

The girl braced herself and grabbed the bottle of Haseul's sleeping pills from the cabinet, emptying the whole thing in her palm and swallowing the pills easily just like candy. Later, Jiwoo took out of her pocket a pen and a piece of paper. She hadn't written a letter, she didn't plan on doing so, but looking her friends gathered all together and smilling reminded her how much she truly loved them. Even though they weren't always the friends she deserved.