12 REASONS WHY | LOONA

𝙠𝙞𝙢 𝙟𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙪𝙣

"This won't be long," Jiwoo was trying hard to keep her composure. The only person she could let her guards down to was her bestfriend, but she wouldn't allow herself that. Not when Jungeun had left her. Had replaced her "I just want you to know you're not the only one getting this, as you're not the only one who I'm blaming."

Jungeun sucked in a breath. What was it Jiwoo was blaming everyone for? What had she ever done to Jiwoo?

"Each and everyone of you are one of the reasons I'm ending this. And yeah, I might sound dramatic, but.." her voice was wavering a little and she stopped talking "Anyway, I have already crossed four reasons out."

The woman's mind raced. Was that the reason Jinsoul was acting weird and why Vivi had called? Why Gowon suddenly got diagnosed with anxiety disorder, Yeojin skipped school for three weeks straight, why Hyejoo moved back with her parents?

"It really hurts to include you into all of this, after everything we've been through," Jiwoo sighed "But, I guess, you get what you give."

Jungeun let her phone down and moved back, she wasn't touching the stone of the red head's grave anymore. Suddenly being near it while hearing her voice felt creepy, the memories of the day she took her own life in Haseul's bathroom coming back vivid.

"I wish I could abandon you too, you know. I often try to remind myself not to run after you, take care of you, remind you to do your laundry or take the trash out," she spoke "Jinsoul can do that too. I shouldn't be up in your business. That's what you said, remember?"

She was furious, the blonde was fuming with anger. She had never screamed this loud and for this kind of matter. It was stupid, technically they weren't official, they hadn't put a label on their relationship yet Jinsoul couldn't help but to feel like Jungeun was hers and only hers. Like she is the only who can be by her side at all times, lay with and hug her the nights she can't sleep.

"It's clear that she likes you!"

Jinsoul couldn't compete with Jiwoo. She felt intimidated. The younger knew Jungeun since forever, could cheer her up with only one look and smile. She constantly texted, doing the job Jinsoul should be doing as her future girlfriend (or shoped to be).

"No way! We're best friends," Jungeun retorted, feet tapping on the wooden floor of her apartment while the blonde paced around, groaning every time the younger would bring their friendship up. They had talked about this a lot. Jinsoul had told Jungeun to make Jiwoo stop being this clingy, acting like her girlfriend and she didn't. Jungeun would just brush it off "She's like my sister."

"It either her or me, Jungeun," Jinsoul couldn't afford to lose her over Jiwoo "You have to choose."

And Jungeun chose. She picked a girl without a single thought, leaving the other wondering where she went wrong.

"'She thinks you like me, that you'll destroy what we have'," Jiwoo mimicked her voice, chuckling "'I need her, Jiwoo-yah!'"

Jungeun could remember the day she spoke these words to Jiwoo. It was a day like this, ends of May, and the redhead had knocked on Jungeun's door with dumplings and a bottle of her favorite Pinot Noir. She could still remember the look on Jiwoo's face, how even after practically kicking her out the girl offered both the food and the wine.

"I was so stupid..to think someone could deal with me for so long," said the redhead "Sorry for being so annoying. I can get really protective over the ones I love at times."

Jungeun had never felt so bad in her life. She usually never regretted her decisions because 'you only live one'. She was the type of person who didn't care, didn't believe in karma or God punishing people for their sins. Jungeun though whatever trouble you have, you're the one causing it, you're the one always at fault. Our actions are what leads us to our pain.

"I wish you guys could do that too for once," Jiwoo breathed out "Get protective over me."

The woman was now on her feet as she paced around— a habit she picked up after being near Jinsoul for so long. Jungeun had never felt so much regret in her life. She never knew it could mess up with your stomach so much, that it could feel like sharp knives stabbing you on your back or even like the feeling of utter disappointment you get when the paper you'd given in and was so proud of gets a bad grade.

"But, everyone made their choices at life," her voice was fading "You chose Jinsoul, I chose death. What can you do?"

The way she so easily spoke of it, her death, made Jungeun want to scream. It made her pace around faster, worrying the janitor which she waved off soon after. Jungeun didn't know how to get rid of that feeling. She didn't know why she hadn't thought about the possibility of her choices hurting Jiwoo so bad.

All she knew was that she was guilty. Jungeun was guilty of Jiwoo's pain and there was nothing she could do now.

Jiwoo had made her decision.

"I love you, sister," Jungeun could imagine the redhead's smile as she spoke these words "We'll meet again."

-kimwig