Ten reasons why I hate you

Lucas

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***

I wake up early just to text her first, she's like a perfect distraction for me, she distracts from what is happening to my broken home.

I have two sisters, since I'm the only boy, they put everything on me.  I had a brother before, but I accidentally threw his toy in the middle of the road, and I refused to go and get for him, I wish I did. I wish god took me instead of me.

My parents wouldn't have blamed a five year old for embarrassing his 7 year old brother in front of his crush. In front of Malia.

Little did I know that I made more mistakes with her, if only I knew that I would be with her eleven years later.

They would yell at me everyday, they keep reminding me of the accident. Not only was I the reason why my brother died, but I'm also the reason why this home is tearing apart.

I try to be brave in front of others, I try to hide my feelings, I did not want to show the people in my school that i was a murderer.

Through the years, my mom started slowly forgiving me, she also kept reminding me that it is not my fault. But if my parents ever had a divorce, the blame is all on me.

One day, I had a dinner date with Malia, and I confessed to her. She didn't run away, she did not judge me, nor did she hate me.

She told me that if god wants something, he's going to get it. God planned that your brother will die at a really young age, and nothing could stop. It's not something anyone can handle, but it's not right blaming yourself. Don't blame god for taking your brother, don't blame yourself, don't blame anyone. Because we can die at any moment any day, we have no choice of how to die or when to die.

You never intended for the car to run over your brother, you did not tell him to go get it himself, you got distracted and threw the toy, thinking that it was somewhere safe, you did not know anything.

And she said "please, try finding a way to save your family and I will help you."

I sighed loudly, "My father is abusive, because of me."

"He thinks you're to blame, because he has no one to blame, you know... maybe he has built something deep inside that you need to break it."

I heard her. I did it. But, what happened next: shouldn't have happened.

He lit our house on fire, and thankfully; I was able to get the whole family out of the house.

And that's why he's in jail.

****

Oh my god

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