My Dearest Ex-Wife, |✔️

Chapter Four

It was about fourteen or sixteen weeks ago. I met Luca at his house. He cooked me a meal and we sat and had dinner together. We talked about a lot of things about how he was getting better and going to therapy and AA. I felt proud of him. The tension between us was there whether we liked it or not.

I still loved him and he still loved me. I couldn't resist my urges. I couldn't believe I did that. I wasn't drunk or anything. I let him have me one more time. I can't believe that. I spent the night but drove back home in the morning before he woke up. I couldn't believe myself. I let my urges get the best of me.

It's been two weeks since Luca died. His funeral was held last week. Jasper doesn't fully understand what happened to his dad. But I'll try to keep explaining it to him. Maggie couldn't believe my pregnancy. I still couldn't but I am. I am showing a little bit my bump is too small so not many people know.

I moved out of my apartment and back into the house. Luca is gone and I can't do nothing about it. I was stressed and upset but I know things will get better. I cried a little each day. I went through his stuff and found the letters I wrote him. He opened all of them and even wrote me back. I saw the letters he wrote me. "My Dearest Ex-Wife. Of course." I said lightly rolling my eyes.

I started reading the newer ones that he wrote the night he called me and the night he died. My heart jumped down to my stomach. I started to cry as I read the letters. He was going to see me and try to apologize and beg for forgiveness. I couldn't believe what I was reading. It was written in sloppy handwriting and a lot of words were spelled incorrectly but I understood what he said. I kept reading and reading.

There was only three that he wrote that night and one that was half written. I finally read all of them. I sat crying. My sons were with Maggie. I can't believe he is gone. He is dead. He will never see Jasper or Elian grow up. He will never see our unborn baby grow up. I couldn't stop crying. I kept thinking what if I just took him back? What if I never divorced him? All of these what if's will never bring him back.

I need to stop focusing on him. He hurt and cheated on me. He caused me pain. I let him try to destroy me and I can't let him. He is dead and there is nothing I can do. I love him. I loved him. I need to move on and be there for my kids. He is gone. I kept repeating the words in my head over and over again. He is gone Audrey.