Fire Emblem Three Houses: Wanderer

The Session

Hilda inquired to Lorenz, "Does the professor seem deadpan to you?"

"He does seem numb," Lorenz admitted, "Moreso than usual. However, he is still making a plan to retake-"

"Look this isn't about the plan or the war," Hilda sighed, "I mean, as his friend do you think something is... wrong with him?"

Lorenz sighed, "I will confess concern for the professor, but he usually seems fine. If there was really something wrong he knows he could tell us. Wouldn't he?..."

"I suppose," Hilda sighed, "But..."

"We need not worry about the professor," Lorenz chuckled reassuringly, "He is the strongest of any of us. We need merely believe in him and support him if he needs help."

While Lorenz's view is understandable it is not correct. When one begins to descend into insanity, the first lies the madness often presents are lies of being a burden or danger to loved ones. These, of course, are lies. Lies of insanity, and while not all will experience such lies as all are different, Byleth had begun to experience such lies.

The lies as thoughts in his damaged mind.

"I'm just a burden I just fix Lysithea and die," said one thought.

"Do they really care about me? No, I'm just a tool to win this war. At least they won't abandon me until the war ends," lied another.

These were the thoughts in Byleth's mind. The lies of his insanity.

Byleth's room was guarded by two knights, which had two duties assigned to them by Claude and Lysithea.

Claude ordered them to protect Byleth from any further attacks in the night while Lysithea, knowing something was wrong, ordered them to protect Byleth from...

Himself...

Lysithea could still recall when the promise was made. It was one of the colder months of the year. The month after when Jeralt died five years ago. Byleth had entered a state of severe depression, and Edelgard had become concerned.

She knew that Lysithea and Byleth had developed a close friendship and requested Lysithea speak to him.

Lysithea complied on a snowy day, the blanket of white covering the courtyard as the two met for warm tea in the chilled air.

Lysithea could recall  the tea, her favorite, a sweet-apple blend. Byleth seemed distant as Lysithea tried to make conversation, "So... rough month huh?"

Byleth sipped his tea silently, and nodded.

"I heard Jeralt was a great father," Lysithea added, "I... I'm sorry that he's gone."

"I have no family now," Byleth sighed setting his tea down with a clink, the sound of the plate against the cup, "I simply desire to find his killer and drag both her and I to Hell together."

"Together?" Lysithea demanded, "Byleth... everyone here cares about you. You can't just-"

"Well when all this is over," Byleth sighed, "Everyone will go their separate ways and I will be alone again will I not? I have no family. I have no future plans. I don't know what to do anymore..."

"Who said family was only blood?" Lysithea inquired, "I mean, most of my blood family is dead but... The Golden Deer is my family. Allow me to purpose an idea to you Byleth."

Byleth nodded in agreement.

"As I've spoken to my family and friends around here," Lysithea explained, "I've found that many will use blood ties to exploit children. Ingrid's father trying to force her into marriage rather than allowing her to he happy, Bernadette's... whole situation... I've learned something. Blood ties are merely used as an excuse by evil people to harm and exploit their kin. Family, real family, are the people you love. The people you love as your family. Be it blood or the family you forge along the way, family is not blood, and anyone who believes it to be blood is lying for their own gain. Do you get what I'm saying... bro?"

Byleth smiled, "I think I do sis."

Byleth's world view changed that day, and his eyes opened to the reality of family. Jeralt was still family to him, not because of blood, but because if love, and that love gave Byleth hope of building a family he could see the future with.

"I know I won't be around for to long," Lysithea explained, "But-"

"I refuse," Byleth shook his head.

"What?" Lysithea inquired, confused.

"I refuse a future without my family," Byleth elaborated, "I promise, Lysithea, that I will find a way to remove your crest. That I will grant you the full live you deserve..."

Lysithea told the doctor this story as the doctor took notes, "And that's all you need to know about Byleth. You really think you can help him?"

The doctor nodded and explained, "I am a doctor of the mind. I can prescribe medication for the issues as I help the professor best I can."

"Professor?" Lysithea inquired, "Wait... you look familiar. Do I... know you?"

"Well aside from becoming therapist," the doctor smiled, "Greetings Lysithea. Nothing to report."

"Gatekeeper?" Lysithea inquired, "My Goddess it's so good to see you! How did you end up as a doctor?"

"Well when Garreg Mach fell I could not hold the line and fled with lady Rhea," the gatekeeper explained, "I found myself lost, and assisted a doctor for money, learning the trade. I eventually got certified as a therapist. When I heard that the professor needed help... I could not refuse."

"So wait what do you do?" Lysithea inquired, "Sounds like you just gonna give him a bunch of drugs and-"

"OK I don't know why this is so commonly misunderstood but medication is not like drugs," the gatekeeper explained with an annoyed sigh, "Drugs change the brain. Medication is studied for years before widespread use. Now, I would urge everyone who is considering medication to double check, but in like 99% of cases, medication does not permanently effect the brain and doesn't change personality. Basically you're still you and if you stop taking it the brain returns to normal. As if it was never taken at all. Those two fears stop many from taking medication but those two fears are not reality at all."

"Ah," Lysithea replied, "Well I was highly misinformed. Byleth is expecting you. He's down the hall."

The gatekeeper nodded and entered Byleth's room.

He asked Byleth many things. About his mental state and his past until he asked Byleth, "What do you feel most days?"

"I feel literally nothing," Byleth replied.

"Could you elaborate?" The Gatekeeper inquired.

"I don't feel anything," Byleth explained, "I feel this eternal numbness. Sometimes I'll just think of my dad's death or Edelgard hating me just so I can cry and feel something! Anything! I act all smiles to the others, because they're my family, but..."

"It sounds like a form of depression," Gatekeeper explained, "See, many think that depression is only sadness, but depression can also take a form numbness. Of not feeling anything at all. This is a common and equally dangerous form of depression. It appears to be from circumstance and a dopamine deficiency. Many things can increase dopamine. Sex, exercise, spending time with loved ones, sunlight, and so on, but while all of these can help you heal when done in a healthy way, such as, only have sex if it's mentally healthy for you to do so, which it isn't for you given your situation with Edelgard, actual healing also takes therapy, so for the time being, spend time with your family, remind yourself or happy things as to try to feel joy over sadness. Remember that this form of depression can lead to reckless behavior so do not do foolish things just to make yourself feel. As for sex itself, what is mentally healthy for someone can vary, some people actually do have mentally healthy one night stands but you don't seem the type for that. The point is before you move on with another girl, or guy, I'm not judging, if you do, ask yourself if it is mentally healthy for you to do so."

Byleth nods in understanding.

"Now I am going to look into prescriptions for you and-" gatekeeper began to elaborate when suddenly, Claude burst in, "It's the Black Eagels! We're under attack!..."