Sanders Sides One Shots

90 days {Prinxiety} (PrincexAnxiety)

A/N: For my brother who keeps encouraging me to keep writing (and he suggested the song lol)

TW: Mention of Drinking and Drug Addiction

Don't wanna tell you what I'm feeling

I don't want to tell but i can't keep this in. He can never know. But then who am i going to tell? I can't tell Patton. He will turn around and say something. I can't tell Logan because he wouldn't care and even if he did he wouldn't be much help.

When you're smiling, I'm the saddest

I can't handle this anymore. Every time he laughs it hurts. Every time he smiles it kills me because i can't be the reason. 

I think out loud, hope you don't hear it

"I really love princey" "What?" Did i just say that out loud? Did he hear it? "Nothing." "You sure?" What should i tell him? "I'm sure. I didn't say anything." "okay." Thank god he didn't hear me. I can only imagine what would happen if he had. That would be a disaster. He would have laughed in my face. He'd never love me back. A prince could never love the bad guy........

I'm falling
I feel it every day now
But I'm stalling,

I don't want to be in love with him anymore. I can't keep feeling this way every time i look at him. I haven't left my room in a month to avoid seeing him.  I can't face him ever again. It would be to hard. He still can never know.

I'm here, but I'm in pieces

It seems like i'm always sad now. Nothing makes me happy anymore. My hearts broke. I distance myself from everyone, I hardly eat, and i never leave my room anymore.

If I'm just somebody that you're gonna leave
And you don't feel something when you look at me
You're holding my heart, mmm, what you say?
Just let me down slowly, I'll be OK

"Anx? I know why you've been hiding in here! I know you're in love with me!!" I just keep laying on my bed knowing this conversation probably won't end well. I can't let him in here. He can never be close to me again. Ever!

If you're just some habit that I gotta break
I can clear my system in 90 days
You're holding my heart, mmm, what you say?
Just let me down slowly

I found a way to forget Roman. To forget all my problems. It's where most of my money goes these days. Patton has tried to talk me into getting help but i don't think i have a problem. Logan says i do though. Roman says drinks and drugs aren't the answer but maybe they are wrong. Maybe they are the answer. "Anxiety please stop this! It's not safe! Just try getting help and we won't bug you again about it!" "Fine! If it will make y'all leave me alone!" Stupid Prince. Always trying to save the day. Yet i still love him.

I get up, turn the lights out
And it's four o'clock in the morning
I close my eyes, I can't sleep, a hotel room
in New York

I went to get help like they wanted me to. I'm currently having to stay in new york though. They are paying for it since i even agreed to go.  I can't sleep tonight though no matter how much i try.

I feel the space that's in between us
Convince myself that this is real love

I know this is love! It might not be the safest or healthiest love but it's love! I can't let it go. The distance between us hurts. This program will be over soon and then i go back. Maybe things will change at home now?

And I told you my secrets

"You were right when you accused me of being in love with you months ago...."

If I'm just somebody that you're gonna leave
And you don't feel something when you look at me
You're holding my heart, mmm, what you say?
Just let me down slowly, I'll be OK

"I know Anx. But I don't feel the same... I'm really sorry...." "I know. And it's okay." I knew this is what would happen but maybe one day i'll be ok. not yet! but one day. "Promise me you won't go back to how you were before?" "I promise......."

I'll be OK