LETTERS I'LL NEVER WRITE

PARENTING ISN'T FOR EVERYBODY

I'm scared to have kids, I'm scared they'll be less like their other parent and more like me.

I'm scared they'll cry themselves to sleep, I'm scared they'll rip their skin open looking for answers that comes in the form of blood stains on the carpets.

I can only hope and pray they love themselves like I will, but even with all the love in the world I still turned out this way.

I'm scared maybe I'll open their bedroom door to find something a parent should never see, I cry just thinking about it and I'm only sixteen.

Maybe now I know I shouldn't put my parents through that and I can't help but go back and forth between the ideas of I have to be happy before I can make others happy and no one else can love you if you don't love yourself, so do they even love me?

I fucking hate myself and others say they care about me and I know the world is full of compulsive liars.

I'm scared to have kids, I'm scared they'll have my ability to lie so much they actually convince themselves.

I'm scared to have kids, because one day maybe I won't anymore.